Overtime, we’ve been inundated with stories of ‘and they lived happily ever after’. As far as I’m concerned that statement is nothing but a myth. Truthfully, there are no ‘happily ever after’ love stories because love can be painful. It requires perseverance to go through the pain of loving someone. People tend to have this image of love being an all rosy affair where you find yourself locked in a perpetual state of happiness. Thanks to the fairy love tales we grew up listening to.
You’ll come to find out that love and marriage can turn out to be the most painful things in life. Pain, not in the sense of abusive relationships, but pain in the sense that to love at all means to open up yourself to pain and vulnerability. We all are imperfect beings. A ‘so-called’ perfect relationship is simply the coming together of two imperfect beings who made a conscious decision to love themselves through it all. Albeit, the pain is supposed to make us stronger. To borrow the words of a popular adage, ‘faithful are the wounds of a lover’. You can draw strength from the pain of being in love with someone.
For years, I was stuck in a relationship where I experienced a lot of pain. I saw my partner cheat and she did all sort of nasty things to make me take a walk but I chose to stay because love is not a one-way street of fun, it is a decision. Falling in love may not be a decision, It could be by chance but staying in love or walking out of it is a decision. Love would require certain things, painful as they may be. It would require you to love your spouse or children when there seems to be no reason to do that, it may require you to cater for that loved one who is disabled etc.
In the words of C.S Lewis “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one…The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
However painful it may be, choose to open your heart to love. Through seflessness, forgiveness, understanding and patience, the pain of loving can be a cord that binds us together, instead of breaking us up.