What To Do If Your Spouse Cheats On You: Handling The Pain Of Unfaithfulness

Cheating, even with how heartbreaking it is, has unfortunately become a common phenomenon in relationships. In a perfect world, no one would cheat and relationships would have a complete season of bliss, devoid of suspicion and unfaithfulness but alas, welcome to reality. You know, I was a bit confused at first, as to how to coin my topic. I was stuck between using ‘when’ and ‘if’ but I opted for ‘if’ in my topic because it felt less pessimistic.

It is widely believed that the men are more guilty of this ‘sin’. In fact, for some ladies, its a big red flag in a relationship. The argument is that ‘Men are biologically polygamous. Funny or truth? Thats a question for you to answer.However, both men and women are guilty of cheating. On a lighter note, some have even argued that cheating in a relationship should be a vocabulary reserved only for married folks, because as far as they are concerned you cant possibly cheat on someone who you are not married to but thats a bone of contention for another day.

In trying to dissect the topic of cheating, a young man once said cheating doesn’t only involve sexual intercourse, that exchanging sex mesages, pornography etc should also count for cheating. However you decide to look at it, it goes without saying that cheating has led to the break up of so many marriages. So what do you do in the event that you catch your partner cheating. Here are a few suggestions on possible steps you should take if you find out your partner cheated.


Cheating can have a very adverse effect onus because of the emotions involved. Thus, this can prompt you to want to spin things around, break one or things here and there but there really is no need for all that. I realise that it may hurt more than you can probably imagine but try and take a deep breath and be calm. You can cry all you want but let it stop at that.

Get Your Facts Right

As a stupid as this may sound, it is very necessary. Sometimes we get to jump into conclusions probably because we saw a text on our partner’s phone or someone told us they saw our partner in one place or the other. Before approaching your partner without an accusation, be sure of what you’re saying because in the event that you approach your partner with this accusation and you’re wrong, you would have ended up damaging the trust in the relationship. As you may already know, trust once broken is hard to repair. I’m not asking you to become a detective overnight but be sure of what you’re thinking. For example, you see a certain person coming down from your partner’s vehicle, do not conclude just yet. You need first be sure of certain points like, the frequency of such occurrence and is it always just the two of them etc.

Seek To Understand

Now you have some of your facts out but yiu need to 100% sure of what you’re dealing with and one way to do this is to confront your partner with your facts. Now this is where a lot of folks get it wrong. They confront their partners with the rod of judgement, which most often than not fails woefully. I know your partner messed up but at this point it won’t help to get all judgemental with them because it would further withold the truth. Now, there really is no guarantee that they would come completely clean but at least you would know you’ve been as reasonable as you can in trying to get the truth out.

Have A Sober Reflection

Now, I once heard a woman say that for her if her man cheats, she would rather take a walk than try and find out the truth from him or even reflect over the issue. She opines that the process of truth finding and refelection is all aimed at trying to find out what role She played in making her man cheat. I understand her point, however, sometimes we do things that force our partner into the arms of another person and if we dont seek to at least find out how we may have been culpable in the whole issue, we may find the same scenario playing out in out next relationship.

Avoid the temptation of Social Media Spilling

With the growing influence of social media, a lot of people seem to be quick to put out their problems on social media. This trend has been growing at a very scary rate and it has, in most cases, worsened the problems in relationships. Truthfully, I’m yet to hear of any relationship issue that was resolved by puuting your problems on public display. If possible, keep your phone away from you. One way to avoid the temptation of posting stuff on social media is to try and have friends around you during this trying period. They would come in very handy.

Go For A Medical Check Up

Depending on the form of cheatinf, it is advisable that you go for a medical check uo to be sure that you are free from any form of sexually transmitted disease. This is because you don’t the condition of the person your partner is cheating with.

Seek Help

Seeking help from a relationship expert is a great step to take in the healing process. Healing would not take place in a flash and that’s pretty normal. You could also seek help from either a family member or a friend but to get the most unbiased view, its always best to seek help from a professional, who is unattached to the event and would likely give tell you the unvarnished truth about what step you shoukd take.

Make A Decision

At this point, you have to take a decision on what the future holds for your relationship. Cheating could occur as a result of several reasons, so its always better to know why before taking a decision. For example, a man could cheat if his wife is not able to get pregnant and a woman could cheat if her husband is impotent. So, you have to be able to look at the issue practically and take an informed decision. After learning the truth and getting help from experts, family and friends, the buck stops at your table. You have decide whether you would be willing to forgive your partner and let this pass. Would you be able to leave with someone who you know has cheated on you? Its a personal question you must answer. There are several other factors to consider when arriving at a decision like how long you’v been in the relationship or marriage, do you guys have kids together, do you have somewhere you can go from there, are you willing to remain single again etc. All these are more are pertinent questions you must ask yourself before taking a decision. You must not rush into taking a decision just yet.

No one prays to have a partner who would cheat but thats just the same way no one prays to die. If you find out that your partner, in order to reduce the effect of the pain a little bit, you may decide to get away for a while but a the fact that a person cheated once doesnt make him/her a serial cheater. You know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, who knows that may just work for you. I always believe people make mistakes and should be given the benefit of doubt, except in a case where they refuse to own up to their mistake.


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