“Couples who argue a lot might love each other deeply”. At a first glance, this statement looks all shades of weird, right? I thought so too but like I’ll always say; understand before you criticize. It took me quite some time to really grasp the sense around this statement but experience came to the rescue. Now, truthfully, no one wants to be in a relationship where the sun sets and rises on their arguments. In a perfect world, relationships would really blissful all through, but I guess this is the point where I tell you: “Welcome to the imperfect world”.
Relationships usually start on a very pleasant note. Everything all seems to be all bright and beautiful at the beginning, especially for relationships where the guy has had to go through months of toasting and waiting. Suddenly, a few weeks/months down the line, you start discovering things about yourselves that sort of puts you guys off, and the result; arguments, arguments and lots of arguments. So, does this erase the love you both have each other? No! In spite of how things might look, psychology experts say that when the arguments begin, it means that the love has reached new heights. Thus, here are five reasons why arguments are good for a relationship;
1. Arguments Could Be A Sign That A Couple Is Willing To Resolve Issues
According to Dr. John Gottman, there are different types of couples; there are the ones who avoid conflict and there are the validating ones (who try and fail to maintain absolute neutrality). Also, there are the volatile and hostile couples. Their arguments are intensely emotional, but for good reason. Each person is aware that things aren’t exactly where they’d like them to be. Albeit, they’re not ready to throw in the towel, because they love each other intensely. They would rather prefer to push for changes, no matter how many hours of arguments it would take.
2. Arguments in Relationships are Most Times More Emotional than Logical
Have you ever noticed that some couple quarrel over the smallest and most foolish things? Like, imagine a couple arguing over where the remote control should be kept, what food they should eat, among other things. Now, you know when someone you love does something against you, it hurts you right? That’s the same way it hurts partners who are in love and they respond by arguing out of the intensity of emotions involved. I mean either of them would probably forgive a certain mistake, if it was done by a third party, but coming from someone they are in love with, hell hath no fury like a lover scorned.
3. Arguments Tend To Stimulate Passion between Couples
This phenomenon is viewed by psychologists as the ‘arousal transfer’. In other words, when a relationship is filled with deep, arousing passion (stimulus), it can only be expected that little annoyances (the other stimulus) will produce an equally intense response. It’s simply a case whereby when someone you love annoys you, you tend to react with a deeper passion than you normally would, and this invariably helps to deepen the love between you and your partner.
4. Arguments Sometimes Show A Sign of Commitment
When a couple is committed to a relationship, they are always ready to fight for the relationship, even it means having bouts of arguments. Imagine a relationship where couples nervously step on each other’s toes and imagine another one where they intentionally do it, if that’s what it takes to correct a perceived shortcoming. Which one of these relationships seems to have a better degree of certainty to you? I would say it’s the later because you chastise whom you love. The opening shots of a couple’s first real argument are a sign that each person knows that they can voice their view without the relationship coming to a dramatic end.
5. Arguments Help Couples to Know Themselves Better
Ever come across the statement ‘flat character’? That’s the role couples in a relationship, devoid of conflict, play. Drama in a relationship can be real fun, all by itself. Having a couple of arguments really helps you get to know your partner better, as it helps you discover things about your partner that they may have hitherto kept away from you. You know that thing that just makes you spill the beans when the sun has risen on your anger? Yes that thing. It helps your partner know you better. Suddenly, some their flaws take center stage in the face of conflict.
This might sound weird to you but couples who never argue are probably living in denial or keeping a lot of secrets from each other. This doesn’t mean couples who argue very often are entirely open to each other but you know that feeling you get when everything just seems to be going so smoothly. It is not paranoia; sometimes it’s just been conscious of the fact that you’re still a card carrying member of the human race.
Arguing could be a sign that a couple has entered a very raw, deep place- a place where love and anger can exist concurrently. When taken overboard, arguments, just like every other phenomenon in life, could be extremely dangerous and could eventually lead to a break-up. However, healthy arguments help to deepen love between partners. In the end, love conquers all.