The word ‘friend’ has overtine being used wrongly by people. Some folks find it hard to differentiate between a colleague and a friend. They cal everyone that talks to them friend. Really hilarious! As far as I’m concerned thats just a petty show of ignorance rather than simplicity, as some may call it. T.D Jakes outlined three categories of friends namely comrades (those who against what you are against), constituents (those who are for what you are for) and confidantes (those who are for you). I believe this description and categorisation of friends aptly captures and describes the world of friendship.
Apart from those with whom we share a romantic relationship, friends are an alternate set of people that have the capacity to break our hearts, ‘cos when you trust someone you ultimately give them the power to hurt. The reason why heartbreaks are so traumatizing is not necessarily what was done itself but by whom it was done. Be mindful of who you give the power of your trust to.
No matter how wise or knowledgeable a person is, escaping the menace of a fake friend is pretty hard. Its being often said that you don’t really know the character of a man, until you give him power because power corrupts. A young man once said, the strength of your character is shown more in how you treat people you don’t think you need and not how you treat people you need. Almost everyone alive has had a fake friend at one time or the other. Some have even coined the words ‘frienemy’ to describe who a fake friend is. Now there is not standard definition of a fake friend but if a ‘so-called’ friend is fake, if you are smart enough, at one point or the other you would see the signs. Below are a few red flags of a fake friend
1. They always want to take from you: This is one of their stock-in-trade. They always want to take things from you. Funny enough you probablu enjoy being there for them and giving them these things, not knowing their real intentions. You forget that every relationship thrives on balance.
2. They always tell you what you will like to hear: Faithul are the wounds of a friend. Be careful of people who always tell what they know you want to hear. They are not really for you. They do this because of what they can get from you. They do not tell you that what is wrong for you as long as it is right and beneficial to them. They encourage you to spend your money, as long as they enjoy in the bounty.
3. They want you to be there for them when they need you but give perfect excuses for not being there for you when you need them: You do all your best possible to be there for them. You let down everything for them but when it comes their turn to make this same sacrifice for you, they give very valid excuses why they can’t make this same sacrifice for you. They try to fake it one or two times by pretending that they want to make sacrifices for you but thats when its comfortable for them, as against you making sacrifices even when its uncomfortable for you. So they make sacrifices from a state of comfort and you make sacrifices from a state of discomfort but of course you don’t realise the difference because you think only of what was done and not how it was done. Both of them are important in a friendship
4. They can seem to be the best thing that ever happened to you when you make them very close associates: Some of them have very alluring personalities. They supply you with so much energy when they are around you. Now you get confused and immersed in this energy overtime, probably because you barely have friends. As time goes on, they become very important parts of your life and it becomes hard for you to do away with them but you can if you are really determined to. It is even tougher to let go of them if you are the kinda person who doesn’t really keep lots of friends. So you would want to protect the few that you have. However, trust me its much better to be alone sometimes than to have an unfriendly friend around you.
5. They pretend to love you so much when they are at a low state: You can never really know how humble a person is when they are either poor or at a state where they are despairing of life. People who usually at this kind of state attract a lot of sympathy and if you are a person who is very emotional and sympathizes with people easily, you are bound to fall for their trap. It is even worse of you fall in love (or lust) with them, as it makes it tougher for you to cut them off.
6. They forget you and everything you’ve done when they see no real significance of you in their lives: You’ve helped them come out of their predicament, given all your time, money and resources to ensure that they are comfortable, you probably got intimate along the line, had one or two adventures, then suddenly (like the coming of the Lord) they move to a new location and what remains of your relationship is the ‘memory’. This breaks your heart, makes you feel frustrated and discouraged. Then suddenly you realise it was all part of their plan. They were never really for you. They were for what you could offer them. Now you feel like you can never have friends again. They call you once in a week (as against thrice). You complain, they say you are childish. Once in a week turns to once in a month. They give excuses of how they are muddled up in one thing or the other. Now you realise they were just ‘frienemies’ all this while.
Different kind of people would come into your life. Do not push people away with your attitude. Do not allow your negative experiences to affect your relationships with others. Our experiences should help us learn and not make us become negative people. At the end of the day, we must learn to differentiate between real friends and fake friends aka frienemies.