How To Handle the Fear of Rejection


“Thank you for applying for this job but……” A lot of job seekers would be very familiar with this line, I guess. You know these days, you really do not need to open an email before you know whether or not your interview/test was successful. Once you check the preview and it starts with a line like that, most often than not, the news is always a negative one. This kind of situation has led many folks to the point of feeling rejected, which most times snowballs into depression. The fear of being rejected has made so many people lose vital opportunities. 

Truthfully, if you live long enough, you would get rejected at some point in your life. So, you have to accept the fact that not everyone would accept you for who you are or what you want. The feeling of rejection could come from different channels. It could come from your workplace, family or even friends. Some people who are divorced today walked out of their marriages simply because they felt rejected by their spouse. Don’t let the feeling of rejection keep you out of the game. We have all heard the success stories of Oprah, Bill Gates, JK Rowling, Michael Jordan, Madonna and a host of other celebrities or public figures who have sold millions over the last few years. It is a given that each one of these individuals all have success in common but did you know they also share one other common denominator? REJECTION!

– Oprah was fired from her job in television.

– Soichiro Honda was turned down from an engineering job in toyota

– Bill Gates was rejected by IBM.

– JK Rowling was denied by several book publishers.

– Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

– Madonna was rejected by a movie producer.

How you handle rejection has the power to determine your destiny. Each one of these individuals could have chosen to live in defeat after their rejections; however, they chose to do what very few people do. They chose to keep going because they realized that if the worst had already happened, only the best was yet to come.

Rejection may just be the injection for your projection

Want to learn how you can turn your rejection into a life changing experience? Here are 5 ways you can use rejection to propel you to your destiny:

1. Refuse to Stop Pressing Forward: Never back down on the urge to press forward. Whatever you find yourself doing, press at it. People may mock you, scorn you etc. Take that as a propelling force and move forward.

2. Ignore Negativity: In today’s world, its almost easier to hear negativity than it is to hear positivity. This is one reason why you have to careful who you surround yourself with. You should learn to surround yourself with positive people, ‘cos I tell you, there’s a whole lot you can achieve with the positive vibe around you.

3. Refuse To Be Defined By Your No’s: Do you know that you can control what you do about your feelings? You may not be able to stop a few people from telling you ‘No’ but you can decide not to allow the ‘No’ stop you from doing  what you have to do. If you get a ‘No’ at point A, keep moving till you get  your YES. Your ‘YES’ may be yet to come but it will surely come.

4. Accept Rejection as God’s Protection: Difficult as it may be to accept, sometimes God allows us go through some pain at some point because He has a better plan.No pain No gain! In other words, rejection is not always a negative phenomenon. It may just be part of a larger picture that you’re not seeing. Ask the girl who is happily married today, who could have ended with the wrong guy, had he not told her ‘NO’. 

5. Don’t Sweat What You Can’t Control: You know I’ve learnt to live the ‘Let-go’ life and it has been an awesome experience.  You should try it. Folks, there are some things that you just cant change. When you are faced with a situation, give it all you can and when it doesnt seem to go your way, take the lessons from the class and move on. Its not that hard. It may be painful. It may hurt to move on, but you would surely find strength in your pain.

Do not despise the days of your little beginnings 


Bride Price: Yea or Nay

This is a Guest Post.

Dont get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing! That was the verdict passed by our very own DBanj. What the koko crooner failed to add, however, is that the beauty of love fades away at the point of marriage, at least in Africa. Marriage, which should be the apex of love affairs, has become a sad albatross in the love adventure simply because of the many barriers we put in the way all in the name of tradition. Oh, how I hate that word with perfect hatred! I am speaking here in reference to the many stages of marriage rites in African cultures which discourage rather than strengthen marriage. The worst and pivotal part of these rites of passage is the payment of bride price to obtain the lady and have her for keeps.

Before putting my pen to paper, I floated the idea of the termination of bride price payment before a random cross-section of people of different age groups and traditional and educational leanings. Most of the responses I got toed the line of How dare you! bordering on even the mere thought of it being an anathema. I am utterly astonished that even educated folks who should be more enlightened, having gone through the scholastic rigours of the Ivory Tower, including and especially youths like me, have a hard time questioning the status quo. Its amazing how people just take traditions that have been handed down for generations and continue to propagate them without stopping to think about why exactly we do what we do.

Regardless of whichever tribe you hail from, you will readily agree with me that the man spends money ‘toasting’ the girl. He spends money for introduction (which they call knocking on the door) to inform the brides family of his intentions formally in the presence of his own family. He spends money for bride price. He spends money for traditional wedding. He very likely also spends money for the so-called white wedding in the church or mosque (without which most Christian and Muslim congregations will not endorse the marriage). There are also some who spend money on court wedding. All these, of course, involve several hidden charges apart from the expenses blown away on logistics. By the time processes are completed and conditions fulfilled, the couple is already deep in debt or thin on finances. Meanwhile, the girls family is happy to have been enriched by some lump sum.

Now, shall we tell ourselves and each other the truth, that this family neither loves you nor has your best interests at heart? How can people who claim to love you derive so much pleasure in milking you dry? Sometimes I think it is the failure of the intending couple to stand their ground and call their families bluffs that makes parents seem so able to wreck a marriage. Even if a parent from either side is quite troublesome, theres no child who doesnt know the weak points of his or her parents. Do you really think your families can run your marriage successfully? It is a lie! Gone are those days when people simply did what their parents or priests of whatever form wanted. These days, you decide what you want and do it.

So where do we go from here? First, I suggest parents should be reminded that they are the ones who should lay up treasures for their children, not the other way round. Their children are their legacy to the world. They should give to, not take from, their children. Put your money where your mouth is. Theres no need to place greater burden than necessary on a man whos perhaps already spent a lot of himself trying to impress your daughter. Thats a sure way to be respected by the couple: let parents sponsor the wedding, having certified that the couple has a means of comfortable livelihood. I think the Yoruba in Nigeria do that wellreturn the bride price and sponsor the wedding (not that there are no heavy hidden charges, though).

Second, we should realise that civilisation has changed the world. If you listen well, you will hear the man tell the brides father, I have come to pluck this flower from your garden, or something like that. We must learn to question preconceived notions. There was a time when girls stayed with their parents till it was time to marry. These days, ladies relocate, often far from their parents, because of work. How, then, do you pluck a flower from a garden that has it no more? The payment of bride price is obsolete because the flower is no more in its fathers field.

Third, the intending couple should decide that they, not their parents, will choose how to wed and maintain the marriage. If the essence of traditional marriage is parental blessing, white wedding is for spiritual blessing, and court wedding for state blessing, then why not have one occasion where all three get covered and save expenses? We need but one wedding, not three. Save the money for better uses. Besides, parents dont choose who their daughters should marry anymore, and so they should not be paid for their daughters hand in marriage.

Permit me to state succinctly that you own what you pay for. If the woman has been bought at a [bride] price, then shes no better than my jeep or tv set. Bride price payment is one denigrating tradition that immediately places the woman at a disadvantage. If you dont realise it, go find out from the typical village culture and youll easily agree that the woman never questions the mans orders. She is no different from a maid. This is the reason a man whose wife also goes to work would expect her to cook his food no matter how tired she may be, even if he has more spare time. Dont tell me that she will be valued because she was paid for; its the same way a jeep will be valued till its youth expiresas the womans surely will.

Guys, dont let the girls father bully you by saying he spent a lot on her upbringing; your parents probably spent even more to bring you up as a responsible man. Girls, dont let your parents delay your marriage with their bad belle. If they are too greedy to forgo outdated tradition in order to make you happy, then walk away from them and elope with your man. If anything goes wrong in your marriage and you have to go back to them, they cannot reject you; plus, they wont need to bother about raising the bride price to return to the mans family. More importantly, have your personal stable source of income so you dont have reason to return to them. Let them curse till their mouths are bent like the scimitar and their throats dry like the Sahara; nothing will touch you under the cover of your husbands love. You belong to him, not them.

Nobody will live your life for you. In the final analysis, you will have to bear the consequences of your actions. Dont sacrifice your happiness on the altar of your fathers foolishness. Show him that you have a mind of your own. Live your [love] life to the fullest. You owe no one any explanation for that.