Relationship

How to Know If Your Relationship Would Pass The Test of Time

Everyone, no matter how bad you think the person is, deserves to be in a relationship. However, the reality of the matter is that not everyone is able to stay in one. Even with the several articles on red flags on a first date, people still go into relationships which do not eventually pass the test of time. So, on one hand there are things to watch out for before dating a person and on the other hand there are factors that can help you make an informed decision before you eventually say “I do”.

A broken relationship, it has been said, is better than a broken marriage. Sometimes we don’t choose whom we fall in love with but we choose whom we stay in love with. In other words, you don’t stay in love with someone by mistake, it’s a choice. To buttress this point, Jessica Bunevacz says ‘relationships are not all about fun and good times, but all relationships are work’. In light of this, we would examine a few factors to consider in determining if your relationship would pass the test of time.

Upbringing

Family background and the way you were raised play a pivotal role in how you develop relationships with friends and folks. Truthfully, it’s hard to get a guy and a girl who were raised by a single parent and both parents respectively, to think the same way. This is because people usually bring their family experience to bear in relationships. The guy on the one hand who was supposedly raised by a single mother would definitely have a hard time being a Father because he never really had someone teach him how to be a father. Not being able to accept the effect of each other’s family experiences and make the most of them is a clear sign that your relationship is headed for the rocks.

How You Communicate With Each Other

Communication in a relationship is without doubt a key indicator of how long a relationship would last. Sometimes we mean what we do not say and other times say what we do not mean. In other words, the tone we use in communicating with our partner is used in determining meaning. For example, as simple as saying ‘Are you alright” could mean different things to different people. While one hand one person could feel that you are asking them if they’re mentally stable, another person could see it to mean that you’re simply asking if they have any form of general ailment. In 2015, some Engineers created a program that can predict how long a relationship would last based on ‘tone’. After analyzing hours of a couple’s speech, focusing on things like pitch, intensity, and acoustic warbles, they found out that not just the words you say, but how you say them are very important in determining the lifespan of your relationship. Stephanie Kriesberg says, in the event of a problem, we should learn to complain to each other and not criticize each other. For example, A complain would be ”I thought we had agreed to fix our wedding for next year, why the sudden change of plans”, while criticism would be ”So you think I don’t deserve to have a say in when our wedding would hold, how can you just change the plan when we had agreed on a certain date”? However, we should learn not to complain too much because it’s unhealthy for any relationship.

How You Express Jealousy

In every relationship, there’s surely going to be some form of jealousy (which sometimes snowballs into suspicion), especially from partners who are very emotional. However, jealousy is not as bad as people make it seem sometimes. According to a study carried out in 2013, it was discovered that jealousy is linked to positive relationship outcomes because it has a way of making people commit. Also, even the Holy Bible says God is a jealous person (Exodus 20:5). You may say it’s a different kind of jealousy but it tells you that there’s a good side to jealousy. Anyways, that’s a topic for another day. However, jealousy assumes its toxic state when you allow it go uncontrolled. I remember the story of a guy whose girlfriend called and asked where he was and after telling her he was in his car, she asked him to honk. Like seriously! WTF is that. For me, that’s jealousy taken overboard. The crux of the matter is jealousy drives relationships, albeit when handled in a matured way.

How You Make Sacrifices For Each Other

It goes without saying that one hallmark of a long and lasting relationship is your ability to make sacrifices for each other. Dr. Elizabeth Trattner calls it the ‘Jelly Bean’ test. You should ask yourself questions like is my partner willing to give up nicer things for the relationship? Is my partner willing to both share and sacrifice what they love (not just like) for me? It’s no strange thing that guys like to hang out with guys (especially to watch football) and girls like to hang out with girls (especially at the saloon) but are both of you willingly to put your relationship first at all times and your individual pleasures (which may include work sometimes) after? The bitter truth is you cannot really claim to love someone if you don’t love them at least as much you love yourself. The ability to continually make these sacrifices has far-reaching effects on how long you guys would be together.

The Approval of Your Friends

I know this seems pretty insignificant, especially with all the talk of ‘you don’t have to allow the words of people talk you out of something, if you believe it, go for it’. Yeah, I know, I say that to but just as the bible says “wisdom is the principal in thing”. I’ve also always said balance is a key factor in everything we find ourselves doing. A study carried out in 2001 by psychologists from Purdue University showed that people in love tend to predict that their relationship would last longer than it actually would. This is because most times (if not all the time), love tends to cloud our sense off thinking. People in love have the tendency to think with their heart and not their head but outsiders like friends and acquaintances, sometimes turn out to be more accurate in predicting how long a relationship would last, since it is assumed that they have a clearer mind on issues concerning your relationship.

Generally, nobody knows exactly how long a relationship would last. We can only make informed assumptions based on observations. Having a successful relationship requires a whole lot of work from both partners. It is to this effect that the theory of the six-question (how long have you guys been together, what is your relationship status, what is the age gap between both of you, highest level of education attained, how many relatives you see every other month, how many children between two and five years live with you) quiz came about. However, there really is no perfect way to determine what makes for long and lasting relationships but these factors and more are important in guaranteeing you a successful relationship.

Would love to hear you share your thoughts on this topic.

 

 

 

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Relationship

5 Habits of People Who Cheat

The world has become so complex today that to actually find a partner who doesn’t cheat is becoming increasingly tougher by the day. Truthfully, no one goes into a relationship with a guy/girl who would cheat on them. For example, 70% of the ladies I speak to, tell me that their greatest turn off in a relationship is a guy who cheats. Now do not get me wrong, I’m in no way implying that its only guys that cheat, ‘cos we all know that both guys and girls cheat alike. However, it’s really not easy to spot a cheater, as there’s no sure-fire way to know who would and would not cheat/. Relationships vary and people have several reasons why they cheat.

Even with the fact that there are different ways to cheat as well as different reasons why people cheat; there are a several traits that habitual cheaters share in common. A few of these habits would be looked at below.

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*They are glued to Their Phone

Being glued to their phone is a common habit of people who cheat. They always ensure that they do not let their phone out of their sight. If you notice a change in phone habit, then that’s a very bad sign that something’s gone wrong somewhere. Phone calls are usually taken away from your presence, at odd hours, spending hours on the phone and they you don’t have an idea of why or what they’re discussing about, speaking in hushed tones over the phone are not very good signals. Although, it’s always best to take time and find out the truth before running into conclusion.

*They Suddenly Become All Loved Up

Now, it’s not a crime to be all-loved up in a relationship but it’s a problem when it just happens suddenly. Alright, I believe in miracles but our God is not a God of confusion. Truthfully, cheaters in a bit to keep their partners in the dark, try to shower with so much love, so that your mind doesn’t even imagine they would be playing any ‘away’ match. Some of them also do this because of the guilt they may be feeling in their heart. Rob Alex says ‘I think the one beginning sign your partner is cheating is that they are overly affectionate to you. If all of a sudden, they start acting totally different in their affection toward you, it could be a sign’.

*Their Sex Life becomes Different

Away from the normal stream of thought that an individual who cheats is usually starved of sex at home, some people just cheat because they don’t see themselves having sex with just one person. You see this gets me thinking, like why do they even marry in the first place then but marriage is not just about sex , is it? Nikki Martinez says that ‘often when a partner is cheating, they will become more sexual than they have in a long time’. Sometimes, it results in some of them having greater drive for sex and wanting to last longer than usual during sex. The problem that arises from this is that, they tend to want to compare their wives to the other (more energetic and skilled) girls they sleep outside, the result; lack of sexual satisfaction with their partners and invariably more sexual escapades.

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Photo Credit: Shuttershock

*They Lie More Times than They Eat

Well, this is an unavoidable and predictable habit of someone who cheats. Cheaters tend to lie with impunity and they know they have to do this to protect their secret life. Show me a cheater who doesn’t lie and I’ll show you a whore who doesn’t sleep with men. Just like Roger says ‘If you catch your partner in one hurtful lie, chances are that’s not the only one’. It’s being said that one lie leads to another lie. Cheating partners lie about where they go, what they are talking about on phone, who their friends are, etc.

*They Suddenly Get Over-protective of You

In every relationship, there’s surely going to be some form of jealousy (which sometimes snowballs into suspicion), especially from partners who are very emotional but these things come from partners who are cheaters. Now, this is because cheaters sometimes make it a habit to keep close tabs on their partner, especially if they fear that their partner may also break the trust between them, being that they are guilty of the same crime. I remember meeting someone who refused to allow his partner do any paid work because he feared that men in the corporate world may sweep his wife off her feet and date her; just the same way he did to other ladies, as a man in the corporate world. In other words, if your partner suddenly starts becoming over-protective, you need to watch it.

As mentioned earlier, there are different types of cheaters and different reasons why people cheat, so the issue of cheating always has to be handled with understanding. There really is no standard solution to the solve the problem of cheating, but with love, patience, and understanding between partners, the problem of cheating can always be resolved.