Relationship

5 Habits of People Who Cheat

The world has become so complex today that to actually find a partner who doesn’t cheat is becoming increasingly tougher by the day. Truthfully, no one goes into a relationship with a guy/girl who would cheat on them. For example, 70% of the ladies I speak to, tell me that their greatest turn off in a relationship is a guy who cheats. Now do not get me wrong, I’m in no way implying that its only guys that cheat, ‘cos we all know that both guys and girls cheat alike. However, it’s really not easy to spot a cheater, as there’s no sure-fire way to know who would and would not cheat/. Relationships vary and people have several reasons why they cheat.

Even with the fact that there are different ways to cheat as well as different reasons why people cheat; there are a several traits that habitual cheaters share in common. A few of these habits would be looked at below.

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*They are glued to Their Phone

Being glued to their phone is a common habit of people who cheat. They always ensure that they do not let their phone out of their sight. If you notice a change in phone habit, then that’s a very bad sign that something’s gone wrong somewhere. Phone calls are usually taken away from your presence, at odd hours, spending hours on the phone and they you don’t have an idea of why or what they’re discussing about, speaking in hushed tones over the phone are not very good signals. Although, it’s always best to take time and find out the truth before running into conclusion.

*They Suddenly Become All Loved Up

Now, it’s not a crime to be all-loved up in a relationship but it’s a problem when it just happens suddenly. Alright, I believe in miracles but our God is not a God of confusion. Truthfully, cheaters in a bit to keep their partners in the dark, try to shower with so much love, so that your mind doesn’t even imagine they would be playing any ‘away’ match. Some of them also do this because of the guilt they may be feeling in their heart. Rob Alex says ‘I think the one beginning sign your partner is cheating is that they are overly affectionate to you. If all of a sudden, they start acting totally different in their affection toward you, it could be a sign’.

*Their Sex Life becomes Different

Away from the normal stream of thought that an individual who cheats is usually starved of sex at home, some people just cheat because they don’t see themselves having sex with just one person. You see this gets me thinking, like why do they even marry in the first place then but marriage is not just about sex , is it? Nikki Martinez says that ‘often when a partner is cheating, they will become more sexual than they have in a long time’. Sometimes, it results in some of them having greater drive for sex and wanting to last longer than usual during sex. The problem that arises from this is that, they tend to want to compare their wives to the other (more energetic and skilled) girls they sleep outside, the result; lack of sexual satisfaction with their partners and invariably more sexual escapades.

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Photo Credit: Shuttershock

*They Lie More Times than They Eat

Well, this is an unavoidable and predictable habit of someone who cheats. Cheaters tend to lie with impunity and they know they have to do this to protect their secret life. Show me a cheater who doesn’t lie and I’ll show you a whore who doesn’t sleep with men. Just like Roger says ‘If you catch your partner in one hurtful lie, chances are that’s not the only one’. It’s being said that one lie leads to another lie. Cheating partners lie about where they go, what they are talking about on phone, who their friends are, etc.

*They Suddenly Get Over-protective of You

In every relationship, there’s surely going to be some form of jealousy (which sometimes snowballs into suspicion), especially from partners who are very emotional but these things come from partners who are cheaters. Now, this is because cheaters sometimes make it a habit to keep close tabs on their partner, especially if they fear that their partner may also break the trust between them, being that they are guilty of the same crime. I remember meeting someone who refused to allow his partner do any paid work because he feared that men in the corporate world may sweep his wife off her feet and date her; just the same way he did to other ladies, as a man in the corporate world. In other words, if your partner suddenly starts becoming over-protective, you need to watch it.

As mentioned earlier, there are different types of cheaters and different reasons why people cheat, so the issue of cheating always has to be handled with understanding. There really is no standard solution to the solve the problem of cheating, but with love, patience, and understanding between partners, the problem of cheating can always be resolved.

 

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Relationship

The Fine Art of Pretence- IV

TRUST: THE CRUX OF THE MATTER

It is a better compliment to be trusted than to be loved. I read that from John C. Maxwell, and ever since Ive wondered what makes trust such a scarce commodity even in places where love is superabundant.

Now, it seems quite ironical that trust should be central to such a concept as pretence because the two seem to harbour mutual animosity. Im sure, however, that even you reading this would, at one time or the other, have dealt in pretence, prevarication, or  even outright lying to someone just cause you knew they trusted you enough to hang on to your every word. Thus, I dont need to remind you that the trust they had in you was the very reason you got away with that act. 

Right, weve established a connection, so lets begin to cut a little deeper. Ill start by telling you something about myself. Basically, Im a lawbreaker; a lawbreaker in the sense that I learn the rules of my environment just for the purpose of knowing how best to break them and recreate them to suit my preference.

I have this pet aversion for rules because they are, by their very nature, made to be restrictive. But Im of the opinion that rules are made to restore confidence and trust. Have you ever heard that Justice must not only be done, but must also seem to be done? Well, it tells you that justice is essentially a psychological feeling. Forget all the idealistic talk of conscience: most people dont listen to the conscience when theyre determined to do something.

If you reason things out, you discover that rules are set to establish standards upon which justice should be premised. There really is no justice without laid-down rules. Thus, if youre able to pretend to keep the rules, then justice is on your side for as long as it takes to deliver the blow you have been preparing.

Now you see why they say that everything is fair in love and war. In conditions of perfect love or perfect war, the rules mean nothing because no one really gives a damn. Rules are made to be broken; that is a standard fact. Else, why is man so bent on defying every law of nature? Take gravity, for example. Man has been on the go trying to make nonsense of gravity. Aerial vehicles were made and are still being made for this purpose. People travel by air with brazen abandon, secure in the power of the aeroplane, helicopter or jet to shut gravity up for as long as they want. Tell them to try letting an eagle take them so far high.


Dont forget where were coming from. Were saying that trust is essential for pretence to work, and that trust works best where rules are absent or not enforced. We are saying that the necessity of restoring trust, for which rules are made in the first place, is the selfsame reason why those rules must be broken. I dont guard myself when talking with my friend cause I know they cant shoot me, but with a stranger or enemy Im on my guard because the rules for safety and security ensure that I should not give myself away. Remember this: Trust is absolute where rules are unnecessary.

Let me tell you a story from my childhood days. We used to have a house-help who was roundly maltreated by my parents, especially my mum. She thus resorted to self-help: she  would steal from them, lie, and also have illicit dealings with men. One day, she persuaded me to take her into my parents room (it was usually locked, but on this occasion it wasnt) to get something. It was my elder sister who gave us away, and I knew two things for sure. One, being labelled an accomplice to a thief would earn me many strokes of cane. Two, my parents would believe anything I said. (That was then, not now; growing up makes you more crooked.)

What did you go to do there? was my mothers inquisition. I was trying to check my weight on the scales, came the equally swift reply from me, with all the confidence I could muster. Now catch the gist. I dont exactly remember what we took out of that room, but I do know that it had to have been incriminating. My best move was to put up as big a show of confidence and truthfulness as they had always thought of me. Instead of answering the question of what I had gone in there to do, I replied with something else which I also did and kept back my mission.

You know why that incident trips me? I could not have been more than six or seven years old at the time, but I was already learning to bend my way around the rules and regulations of the house by taking advantage of my parents trust. (Kids, dont try this at home!)

As I am writing this chapter something else has just happened that I wish to share with you. Dad and I had discussed plans to give me the key to the penthouse so I could get some items downstairs. True enough, I got the key, retrieved the items, and delivered his key back to him. 

The knot here is…

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