Humour, Leadership, Motivation, Relationship

Life Quotes That Will Help You To Succeed in 2018

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As we draw the curtain on 2017, I’ve taken time to reflect on this year, vis-a-vis my successes (gains) and failures (mistakes). This has led me to think through what has been my motivation through the months.

Words they say, never fade away. They last a lifetime. Even the Holy Bible says heaven and earth will pass away but God’s word will remain the same. Against this backdrop, I’ll like to share a few quotes that have kept me going and focused as well as helped me overcome certain obstacles I’ve had to face. These few positive and motivational quotes have been my inspiration and have guided as well as guarded my thoughts over the years. Sharing they say is caring. Thus, here are a few life quotes that would be helpful to you in 2018;

*The true measure of your character is what you do when you think you would never be found out.

*You are most likely to act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action. 

*A life in which anything goes will ultimately be a life in which nothing goes.

*The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

*Efficiency is the foundation for survival. Effectiveness is the foundation for success.

*There is a world of difference between a person who has a big problem and a person who makes a problem big.

*Love people more than procedures. Realize that people are your most valuable assets.

*The reason most goals are not achieved is because we often spend our time doing second things first. 

*The greatest mistake a person can make is to be afraid of making one.

*Integrity is not what we do so much as who we are.

*We cannot become what we need to be by remaining the way we are.

*Too many people are ready to assert their rights and not their responsibilites.

*If people understand you, you’ll get their attention, if they trust you, you’ll get their action

*You may not have power over all that happens in your life but you have the power to determine how you react to what happens in your life. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

*People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

*People’s minds are changed through observation, not argument. People do what people see.

*Your words will tell people what you think but your actions will tell them what you believe.

*Faith in God does not mean you deny reality but that you do not accept reality as finality. God’s word is stronger than reality.

*Problems can stop you temporarily. You are the only one who can do it permanently.

*What really counts is not what happens to me but what happens in me. 

*If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain.

*Positive thinking does not always change our circumstance but it will always change us.

*Focus more on helping people solve their problems and less on solving people’s problems. 

*Decide what to do and do it. Decide what not to do and don’t  do it.

*The more you change, the more you become an instrument of change in people’s lives.

*Pay now, play later or Play now and pay later. The choice is yours.

*Having it all doesn’t mean having it all at once.

*We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing. Others judge us by what we have already done.

*Very often, we see things not as they are but through the lens of who we are.

*Do not despise the days of your  small beginnings.

*Learn to live the Let-go life.

I’ll end this article with this humorous story;

” After World War II, a general and his young lieutenant boarded a train in England. The only seats left were across from  a beautiful young lady and her grandmother. The general and the lieutenant sat facing the women. As the train pulled out, it went through a dark tunnel. For about ten seconds there was total darkness. In the silence of the moment, two sounds were heard- a kiss and a slap. Now, everyone had his or her perception of what had transpired.

The Grandmother thought to herself, “I’m angry that the young man kissed my daughter but I’m happy that she retaliated.”

The Young Lady said to herself “I’m flattered that the General would kiss me but I’m a bit embarassed that Grandmother would slap him.”

The General sat there thinking to himself “My lieutenant showed a lot of courage in kissing that girl but why did she slap me by mistake?”

The lieutenant was the only one who knew what truly went down. In the brief moment of darkness, he kissed a girl and slapped a general.

Moral of the story: Things are not always we think they are. 

To everyone reading this, I wish you a Blessed and Favoured New Year in advance.

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Relationship

Let Them Go

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​The fact  that someone is part of your history  doesn’t  necessarily imply that they must be part of your destiny. Know when to draw the  curtain.

Whether you realize it or not, people who refuse to grow with you simply can’t go with you. So often we get so caught up in our emotions that we seem to think that just because someone has been by our side for years that we are entitled to take them with us to each proceeding level of our lives. At some point in your life you must realize that everyone can’t go with you to the next level and here’s why:

Some People Are Seasonal Tyler Perry put it best in his hit movie Madea Goes To Jail: Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can’t depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or wind blows in your life they are gone. You can’t be angry at them, it’s just who they are.

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Photo Credit: Alexis Nyal

Some People Will Only Remember You From Your Past “Remember when…” we all have those friends who always begins their conversations with us using those two words.For many of us it’s often fun to reminisce; however, when you’re on your way to destiny you can’t afford to spend time looking in the rearview mirror. Those who constantly remind you of your past, can’t propel you to your future.

Some People Can’t Handle Where You’re Going. Let’s face it. Not everyone can handle where you’re going and once you settle that within yourself you will stop allowing yourself to get bent out shape over people who walked away. Motivational speaker Tony Gaskins put it best: you’re going to lose some people on the way, but remember not everyone is intended to go with you.

As difficult as letting go of some people can be,  it is an inevitable factor in friendship, when the ship gets heavy.

Motivation, Relationship

Do you have too many doors open?

“ Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” says T.D Jakes.

Although it may be hard to believe when we are in the midst of struggle, our deepest pain is the catalyst for our transformation.Yet, healing and growth are not possible if the door is still open to those people and experiences that chip away at your peace.

Are you still allowing people and things that hurt you into your life? Truthfully, we cannot rebuke a devil that we continually grant access to our lives. You know that you don’t want to live in drama, for example, yet pick up the phone when that friend calls. He promised he would never put you down again, yet you’ve turned the other cheek so much your head is spinning.

Protection of ourselves, and our core, is critical. Psychologists have found that slipping into patterns of self-sabotage happens all too easily.  In fact, whether it’s sticking to a health plan, quitting smoking, or removing ourselves from a toxic relationship, 80-90% of us will slide back to what feels familiar and comfortable. We generally do not want to step out of our comfort zone, yet just like a young woman said:

Conviction and Comfort don’t live on the same block.

Yet, researchers have found that we can use what they call “if-then plans” to change our unhealthy emotional patterns.  Simply by thinking, or even writing down, “If (stressor/obstacle) arises, then I will (respond in this way)” gives us a concrete way out. Reframing these stressors will allow us to cut toxic people and situations out of our lives for good.
It’s been said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” 

Closing the door to what hurts you stops this cycle.
Finding the strength to cut people out of our lives does not mean we hate them, but rather that we are striving to build up our respect for ourselves .  We will no longer stand in the way of our own healing and growth. The roadblocks and stop signs are up–this road is finally closed.


Forgive people when they hurt you but also learn from the experience.



Motivation

The Danger of Complaining 

Complaining is dangerous . It can damage or even destroy your relationship with God, your relationships with other people, and even with your relationship with yourself. It’s easy to complain. We likely don’t realize how much we do it. I believe it’s one of the most challenging things to overcome.Philippians 2:14 says, Do all things without grumbling and faultfinding and complaining…. That’s a pretty clear command. And not something anyone can do in their own way

Like I said before, it’s easy to complain. There are many things that happen every day that we could murmur about. But they really aren’t worth the effort it takes to get upset and gripe about it. For example, we travel a lot and stay in a lot of hotels. I like to take a hot bath to relax before speaking at our conferences. Once when I went to fix my bath, I discovered there was no hot water. So I called the front desk to see about getting hot , but they weren’t able to fix the problem when I needed them to. And later, I learned that my room was the only room in the hotel that didn’t have hot water!

Now, I could have gotten all upset about this at the time. But God helped me to relax about it and resist the temptation to get upset. And the truth is, complaining wouldn’t have changed anything – it would have just made the situation harder.

Complaining comes from an ungrateful, prideful attitude of the heart. It causes us to feel that we shouldn’t be inconvenienced or have bad things happen to us. The truth is, I’ve done most of my spiritual growing during the hardest and most painful times of my life. The trials of life have caused me to press in to God. And as I’ve done that, He’s changed me. He’s helped me to develop an attitude of gratitude and humility, which has brought real freedom into my life.

Make it your goal to have a constant attitude of gratitude. Resist the temptation to complain and instead praise and thank God for who He is and all He’s done for you. By God’s grace and through His strength, you can overcome complaining and live each day with a thankful heart!

Joyce Meyer

Motivation, Relationship

Tips To Keep in Mind When Networking 

According to World Report, over 70% of people land jobs through networking. Networking is key to advancing your career or business. When done correctly, it can result in a new position, contract or worthwhile business deal.

On the other hand, when done ineffectively, though, it can lead to wasted time or –– far worse –– a bad first impression. At the core of good networking is effective relationship building, which means fostering meaningful conversations and focusing on the person to whom you are speaking. In turn, you’ll have the opportunity to share who you are and, in the process, uncover potential opportunities.

Take your networking to the next level by avoiding these common mistakes people make when attempting to build their networks.

1. Don’t Wait To Be Approached
Avoid playing shy. You might not usually approach strangers, but networking events provide the perfect cover for you to initiate a conversation. Start by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you enjoy most about X?” or “Why did you get involved with Y?” And don’t let the conversation stop at the event. Instead, follow up, because most people won’t. Send a quick email thanking your new contact, and if you’re looking to meet up again, mention it then.

2. Don’t Be Inauthentic
Avoid superficial conversations by cultivating curiousity. The wider your range of interests, the more capable you’ll be of staying true to yourself while allowing the conversation to go where it may. The best way to appear interesting is to be interesting. Conversations will only get awkward once you begin overthinking and stepping outside yourself.

3. Don’t Be Self-Centered
Avoid framing every interaction in terms of how you might benefit. Instead, look at the initial conversation as the start of a relationship that you’ll need to water to grow. The fruits of networking sometimes take several seasons to develop. Be faithful in cultivating authentic relationships centered around mutual interests.

Motivation, Relationship

Why  You May Need To Expand Your Network 

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Your network is indeed your net worth. Building genuine and productive relationships that prove mutually beneficial is one of the most crucial things you can do to position yourself for growth and success. While you should never force connections or relationships, your network should always be organically and consistently growing.

Building a strong, reliable network can be a game-changer when it comes to progressing through your life and career. It is important to invest in people and relationships that are as diverse as your interests, curiosity and the opportunities you wish to attract. Fostering an authentic network can change your life, so never be afraid to fine-tune it as you see fit.

If you are unsure as to whether there is a missing link in your network puzzle, here are three signs that it might be time for expansion.

1. You see the same people.

Everywhere you go –– socially or professionally –– you never encounter fresh faces or make new introductions, because you already know everyone in the room. It is hard to make bigger and better moves when you are around the same people all the time. Change your environment and you will enhance your network.

2. You lack inspiration.

You should always surround yourself with people and things that constantly bring value, inspiration and insight. It encourages growth and development. If your environment seems to be lacking in the inspiration department, it might be a sign you need to venture out and explore new things.

3. You’re not attracting opportunity.

When you position yourself with the right people, within the right sphere, you should naturally attract opportunity. If you find that nothing really seems to be moving for you, perhaps it’s time for a new game plan with a different set of players.

The best passion you can develop is a passion for your own growth. To further shape your perspective and become connected to other individuals who share similar interests, be open to exploring different environments and experiences. Complacency can become your enemy if the desire to reach your potential begins to fade. Stay focused on the end goal and make each moment a step in the direction of your destiny.

Motivation, Relationship

Why You Need To Shut Some Doors

Although it may be hard to believe when we are in the midst of struggle, our deepest pain is the catalyst for our transformation. Yet, healing and growth are not possible if the door is still open to those people and experiences that chip away at your peace.

Are you still allowing people and things that hurt you into your life? Truthfully, we cannot rebuke a devil that we continually grant access to our lives. You know that you don’t want to live in drama, for example, yet pick up the phone when that friend calls. He promised he would never put you down again, yet you’ve turned the other cheek so much your head is spinning.Protection of ourselves, and our core, is critical.

Psychologists have found that slipping into patterns of self-sabotage happens all too easily.  In fact, whether it’s sticking to a health plan, quitting smoking, or removing ourselves from a toxic relationship, 80-90% of us will slide back to what feels familiar.

Yet, researchers have found that we can use what they call “if-then plans” to change our unhealthy emotional patterns.  Simply by thinking, or even writing down, “If (stressor/obstacle) arises, then I will (respond in this way)” gives us a concrete way out. Reframing these stressors will allow us to cut toxic people and situations out of our lives for good.

It’s been said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Closing the door to what hurts you stops this cycle. Finding the strength to cut people out of our lives does not mean we hate them, but rather that we are striving to build up our respect for ourselves .  We will no longer stand in the way of our own healing and growth.

The roadblocks and stop signs are up–this road is finally closed.

Motivation, Relationship

How To Become Socially Confident

Every day as I pursue different objectives, I realize more and more that technical competence is not enough. Whatever goals you and I set, we are going to need PEOPLE–at every level of the economic spectrum–to bring them to fruition. Perfecting your people skills by becoming what I call “trans-social” is the unwritten rule that will catapult you into the next level in every occupation or endeavor. 

I remember being told point blank by a certain Fortune 500 executive that I had been advanced over another more experienced employee simply because he was “not as sophisticated”. It sounds unfair, but the reality is that such perceptions are advancing or thwarting personal dreams in companies, churches, and common relationships every day.

You may have pooh-poohed social etiquette and professional decorum in the past, but trust me, as the world becomes more competitive, you are going to need this underrated advantage. I’ve written a crash-course book on becoming socially confident entitled Socially Confident in 60 Seconds: Practical Tips for Navigating Any Situation. It is not an exhaustive treatment of the subject of etiquette but rather a discussion of the essentials that you must master if you want to go to the next level of your occupation–or to succeed at a new occupation or endeavor.

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Here are a few essentials that I cover in the book: Do you know the guidelines for making personal introductions? Whose name do you say first when you introduce your boss, pastor, mother, or other? When do you offer your business card at networking events? What do you do with your napkin if you have to leave the table during a meal? What do you say when someone asks you how much money you make? 

Listen, friend, this book is hot and you need it. You will be smart to order it and read a generous number of value-added excerpts at: http://amzn.to/1U69cSg . Be sure to share this link with someone you want to help expand their borders. Now, for a sneak peak at the book… We all know that people judge your intellect most often by how you speak.

Source: Deborah Smith Pegue

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Relationship

What Does Love Mean To You

Love means a lot of things to a lot of people but have you ever asked yourself what love means to you? How do you show love  and to whom do you show love? We been taught about love languages but its application seems to be limited to romantic love and love shown to someone you know but we were not born to love only those we know, we also have the capacity  to love even those that we don’t know.

 Practically ,I think the best example of love was shown by God who sent his ‘ONLY’ son to die for a world of people who cared more or less about him. God didn’t specify who Jesus should die for, rather He sent Jesus to die for all and sundry. Even Jesus, with  all the things that men did to him, still decided to let his life down for men, both those he knew and those he didn’t know? What greater way to show love than this? A young man once said the true measure of a man’s character is how he treats people he doesn’t know and not how he treats people he knows.

It will surprise you to find out that many folks  do not know what love means. A friend of mine once defined love as ‘a feeling you feel when you feel you’ve not felt a feeling like that before’. Someone once said there’s no magic in the world as great as the magic of love. Love really can be defined in a thousand ways.

One question  I ask myself is how do we fall in love? What makes us fall in love? Contrary to popular view,  there’s no such thing called ‘Love at first sight. It’s a very big lie. What many people  experience is really called infatuation. Now what is infatuation? Oxford dictionary defines it as “an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something”. Also, urban dictionary defines it as “people thinking they are in love but when indeed it is just a deep lust or like for another person”. Unlike love which sees  a person’s flaws and still accepts the person that way, infatuation doesnt even recognise the flaw, at least in most cases. How in the world do you expect to fall in love with someone on your first sight? Now this doesnt mean infatuation is an evil thing or it cant grow into love. Certainly, you can grow to love the person with time. 

So then, falling in love is a gradual process that takes time and understanding. People who have been married for a long time still get to fall in  love with each other as time goes on because no matter how hard you try, you can never know everything about a person. Sometimes, we do not choose who we fall in love with but we have the power to choose who we stay in love with. In other words, we may not have the power to control how we feel but we sure have the power to control how we react to those feelings. I’ve found myself stuck in love with an ex-lover. It seemed  to me as though I couldn’t just  help loving her, despite all the things she did to me but I realised that I had the power to control my attitude to those feelings. So I decided that I may love her, I may think about her but I will not contact her and I will keep a good distance between us. Yes, I had the power to do that. In other words,we choose who we show love to.

 Today would not be complete if you don’t show love to someone you don’t know.Show love to that person in need. Remember love is patient, Love is kind and Love is felt most when its genuine. Show that special person genuine love!!!

Health

The Truth About BDSM

BDSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). The terms are lumped together that way because BDSM can be a lot of different things to different people with different preferences. Most of the time, a person’s interests fall into one or two of those categories, rather than all of them. Here are certain facts about BDSM.

1. It doesn’t always involve sex, but it can. Most people think BDSM is always tied to sex, and while it can be for some people, others draw a hard line between the two. “Both are bodily experiences that are very intense and sensual and cause a lot of very strong feelings in people who practice them, but they’re not the same thing,” says Thorn. The metaphor she uses for it: a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It’s kind of similar with BDSM; it’s a matter of personal and sexual preference.

2. BDSM encounters are called “scenes.” Again, since it isn’t always about intercourse, you wouldn’t necessarily say that you “had sex” or “hooked up” with someone after a BDSM experience. Instead, these are called scenes (like, you scened with someone or you had a scene).
“It’s an evolution from a time where, if you did S&M, you might only do it with a professional for an hour, or you might just see it performed at a BDSM club,” says Brame. “Now people have much more organic relationships, but they still call it a scene — the time when we bring out the toys or get into that headspace.”

3. There are dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms. So you’ve probably heard about dominants and submissives (if not, the dominant enjoys being in charge, while the submissive enjoys receiving orders). But BDSMers may also use the terms “tops” and “bottoms” to describe themselves. A top could refer to a dominant or a sadist (someone who enjoys inflicting pain), while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain). This allows you to have a blanket term for those who generally like being on either the giving or receiving end in a BDSM encounter. And there’s no rule that says you can’t be both dominant and submissive in different circumstances or with different partners.

4. It’s not as spontaneous as Hollywood movies or porn make it out to be. Getting swept up in the moment and accidentally stumbling into a millionaire’s red room (where you’ll have multiple orgasms) is probably not going to happen to you ever. But, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. “The sexual fantasy makes everything look so easy,” says Brame. “People who actually do this stuff are very cautious about it. It has to be the right place and right time and right equipment. And you have to know you can get the person out [of whatever bondage] if there’s an emergency. You have to feel you can trust the person.” So there’s a lot that goes into one scene, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less satisfying for those who enjoy it.

5. There’s actually a pre-negotiation period, where the partners discuss what they like, what they don’t like, and what they absolutely will not tolerate.
Think of this as the primer before the scene. “It’s a way of discussing the experience ahead of time that can increase emotional security,” says Thorn. This can involve anything from scripts and checklists to a more informal discussion of what each person’s expectations are for the scene, what they want and don’t want, and any words or actions that are completely off-limits.

6. Know that you can always say no. A lot of people starting out think it’s ‘all or nothing,’ especially if you’ve only been with one partner,” says Thorn. For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you’re not necessarily into. But that’s absolutely wrong. You can — and should — pick and choose which BDSM activities you are and are not interested in, says Thorn. And that can vary depending on the situation, the partner, or even the day. Just remember that consent is a requirement in BDSM, and it’s possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another.

Source:buzzfeed.com

Relationship

Friendzoning: Give Me All or Let me Go

I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently. We covered a whole lot of subjects, you know, trying to fill each other in on the months lost. And as a lovaholic, i inquired about her love life and her response was: “don’t mind that boy jare, he  thinks I’m still that little girl he tutored for JAMB.” Apparently, my friend had some slight difficulty passing jamb at first attempt, so her well-meaning parents got her this handsome corps member(at that time) to help beat some chemistry equations into her head. Whether it was his good looks or his teaching skills, I do not know, all I know is she passed jamb very well, read a pretty cool course and graduated successfully plus she is a beauty to behold and yet our dear brother hasn’t made a move yet.

I tried probing further to find out what the exact problem was, after a while of what I like to term as “the lovaholic’s interrogation”  I found out that my dear friend had been friend-zoned. Was I surprised, yes of course, back then in school, it was almost as if they were dating, I mean they chatted for hours on end so cheerfully and always involved each other on major decisions of their lives. In fact we felt the reason he hadn’t said the magic words yet was that she was married to her books. Being a very mushy person I had their lives planned out already, from their wedding color combo to her wedding dress to how many children they would have, in fact I had everything planned out. Did I forget to mention how much she loves this guy, I mean the love she has for this guy she just like a copied assignment she just can’t explain it.That serious?, so why hasn’t he given her “THE FULL BAE’S BENEFITS” yet?, that I do not know, but what I told her I shall tell you.

You know some people in our lives will never realize we are the “best boo material” around until they are kicked into that realization. And by “kicked into realization” I don’t mean asking pathetic questions like: “who am I to you” or “it actually time you made this official”, you actually have a right to know where you stand but taking this approach will only lead to either of these two things, losing a potential relationship (if he or she is interested in you romantically) or a friendship (if he or she isn’t interested in you romantically) or even both.

I realized from experience that majority of people caught up in this kind of situation have one problem, which is, they give too much without receiving anything in return. They usually have an overbearing and choking attitude they tag as love which has taken the respect out of their friendship and all they are seen as is a problem solver and nothing more, the exact reason why they can be called up at 12 mid-night to fix a spoilt bulb without much consideration given to their emotions or how inconveniencing that can be for them at that time, these set of persons almost always oblige to such demands with the hope that those they do it for will one day come around to see they deserve the tittle “bae” which almost never happens because humans in general often take for granted people they get on a platter of gold or people who are readily available to clean up their mess, if you doubt my theory simply rate your respect for your tissue on a scale of 1-10 and be truthful about it. Make yourself desirable by not always being at their beck and call, scape out those excesses you call “acts of love” until there is a commitment, if you keep giving them “THE FULL BOO’S BENEFIT” then there won’t be a need for them to step up.

No matter how much you try, some people would just not find you desirable. If this is the case, move on, someone who will appreciate you will surely find you. Remember you are searching for “the one” and not “them one”. Just keep developing yourself.

For all ye “friend-zoners” the lord is watching you all in 3d oh! Repent oh! (lol)

Relationship

6 Types of People to Avoid

There are many different types of people that you will encounter throughout your lifetime. While no two individuals are exactly the same, there are certain people with similar qualities that you can recognize as red flags for toxicity. The negativity these people internalize and exude pushes them to gravitate toward those who are happy and successful in attempts to disrupt their progress and success.

It is important to recognize these six types of toxic people to ensure that they don’t rain on your parade.

  • The Hater: These people are simply incapable or unwilling to be happy for anyone else. They battle with an internal insecurity that blinds their ability to genuinely root for other people.
  • The Naysayer: These people are natural pessimists. Despite what it looks like, they believe nothing is ever good enough, right, positive or promising
  • The Needy Person: These people are always in need of something –– always. It can certainly suck the life out of you in the process, but they don’t mind as long as they benefit in the end.
  •  The Talkative Person: These people talk about others and will surely talk about you just the same. Be wary of those who always have something to say about everything and everybody.
  • The Self-Pity Person: These people take the self-pity pill on a regular basis. Those always playing the role of the victim will never be able to truly find peace and, consequently, can’t offer it either.
  •  The Insensitive Person: These people cannot feel compassion or sympathy for anyone but themselves. The only time something impacts them is when it is about just that –– themselves.

If any of these descriptions struck a familiar chord, the offenders’ faces or names might have quickly flooded your mind. Take note of what came to mind as you were reading, and think about the best next step to take to show kindness while protecting yourself. Both energy and habits are contagious, so always be conscious of those you surround yourself with to ensure you continue to spread light and not be held down by darkne

Relationship

The Fine Art of Pretence- I

I hate pretence!

I dunno how to pretend; I like to speak my mind!
Why should I pretend? Who wants to kill me?
There is freedom of speech!
I will say it as it is!

All right, cool down. Just in case you would like to know, this title was chosen because the writer has observed the hypocrisy immediately revealed once the issue of pretence is mentioned. For goodness sake, you speak your mind? 
Really? 
All the time?
You mean every single thought that crosses your mind about every single person and event is vented in your reactions and voiced through your lips? What about those times when you were flogged in class and didnt cry till you had got to your seat and bowed your head to break the fountain of tears loose? Or every so often when someone says something and you nod your head, hum or reply without getting all they said? Or when you laughed with someone and then the laughter changed into a straight face as soon they turned their back? What would you call all those times?
Seriously, I am yet to find a human being who bares it all, so maybe you wish to become the first if you subscribe to the idea enunciated at the beginning. I supposeand correct me if Im wrongthat women are guiltier of making such assertions than men are. It could be because its a mans world and we have nothing to prove. Yes, ladies, you heard that right. Its a mans world and Im not afraid to say that cause you cant get me lynched. You think Ive crossed the line? No, Im only speaking my mind, and if its a bitter pill to swallow, then take it or leave it!
You know, the typical woman pretends a lot. Imagine how many guys she has had a crush on and never told them. She may even have snubbed them when they made advancesyet she doesnt pretend. Sometimes a woman would look you square in the face and say I HATE YOU!!! with triple exclamation, and yet at the back of her mind shes dying to have kiss from you. I really think we should have more female than male diplomats because women seem to have that essential quality of pretence required for fruitful diplomacy. Diplomacy is simply pretence with an expected end. Plain truth!
You remember what they say about diplomacy: speak softly but hold a big stick? But really, its not only diplomacy that requires us to cultivate pretence. And there we go: why call it The Fine Art of Pretence? Is pretence supposed to be something positive? Whats the art thing, anyway?
My answer to the question of the positivity of pretence is a resounding YES. Let me tell you something: it is much easier to be reprimanded for something you said or did than for something you left unsaid or undone. The reason is simple: it is easier to say or do something wrong than to reverse the process. How do you take back I hate you when the receiver has already committed it to memory? You see, if we look at things carefully it appears that quiet people are very dangerous, and that is precisely because they have mastered The Fine Art of Pretence. Someone told me that when you question a naturally quiet person on some allegation levelled against him, his silence cannot mean submission to pleading guilty because he would likely have been silent whatever the weather. That spells dangerous, doesnt it?
Now you want to know why we see pretence as an art, and a fine one at that? All of the qualities of greatness require pretence as companion. Why? Precisely because we must all learn to ignore distractions on this highway of success and make them seem less real than they really are till they fade away.
Look at the LONGMAN definition of pretence right here: A way of behaving which is intended to make people believe something that is not true. Now lets look at the verb form: to pretend is to behave as if something is true when in fact you know it is not The real issue, I believe, that people have with pretence is not the fact that it is so badat least we now know that we all pretend in one way or another for better or worsebut because it has been branded with the bad badge, having a lot of hypocrisy and outright mendacity! The level of deception accompanying pretence can be so great sometimes that it leaves the other person befuddled and frustrated, thinking, If only I were a mind reader!
Well, youre not, so get used to it and stop whining!
True, there are people for whom pretence seems the natural thing; they pretend as effortlessly and involuntarily as they breathe. Well, while that is true, it is also sensible to expect that pretence can be learnedelse we should be able to pretend as soon as we are born.
But we all know that pretence is as much an acquired trait as it is inherent, and perhaps the former even more, because we usually pretend in order to ignore something or someone, or to put up a show. That means pretence is causedand thus acquired as a defensive mechanism much of the timeand so becomes a creative art.
Now let me show you a more palatable form of pretence. Heycool down; dont be so eager. Okay, it is called acting. Yeah, now we can better relate with that. Every actor has to learn to fit into a character and play a particular role. That, precisely, is pretence. If youre like me, then you usually dismiss the emotions that well up when you get so caught up in a movie by, They are just acting, or, like my dad would say, Pretenders they all are. Ladies, stop crying when other people are enjoying acting, understood?
Ill show you another scenario where pretence has been found useful. Ever seen someone shouting at another in public? I have observed this situation time and again with consternation, and been both victim and perpetrator of the act. I have found myself shout at people, or sometimes speak softly but stingingly, simply because there are witnesses to tell the story.
You, no doubt, can relate to this tendency. Time and again people say things they dont really mean just because they want to present a false appearance to others. If we were to blame it on temperament, then I would suggest that the more extroverted traits (sanguine and choleric) like a shouting match while the introverts (melancholy and phlegmatic) deal in shyness and silence.
Check it, especially with the sanguine: whenever they want to react to something they consider offensive, they almost always want to make a scene out of it. It is no coincidence that extroverts generally get their fingers burnt more easily than their introverted counterpartsthe propensity to blow things out of proportion becomes their Achilles heel.
What are we saying, then? Pretence is both passive and active. Whatever your temperament, you must learn these two sides of the pretence coin in order to make the most of circumstances. Learn how to feign ecstasy amid disapproval; planned will and spontaneous whim; surprise and serenity; pleasure and painand so on. You should be able to weave yourself into different moulds as occasion demands. As the ancient Egyptian philosopher Ptah Hotep said, Fit thy deeds to the occasion and thy words to the point. That, my friend, is the essence of The Fine Art of Pretence.
Finally, remember, nobody gets ahead by pretending all the time. To be yourself, however, requires that you continue to recreate yourself into an increasingly better you. You are thus able to build the power and wisdom to master situations and command them to yield juice from the top of the mountains (that is, to answer favourably to you). Become a better you.