Relationship

10 Red Flags You Should Not Ignore On Your First Date

So its your first date night with that special person. So you’re probably unsure of what you really need to look out for in order to determine where this whole thing is gonna go? They may call it a blind date but it doesn’t mean you go there with a ‘blind mind’. There are certain red flags you should look out for on your first date.

Too much pessimistic talk

There’s no need for a debbie-downer on the first date. And whether its a pessimistic attitude or opinions, it should not be tolerated. It’s an obvious reason to question your date’s motives and attitude towards the future.

Outrageous overreactions

If your date makes a mountain out of a mole hill over petty situations, such as the waiter making an accidental error, you may want to rethink how your date will treat you when you slip up. If anyone is capable of exuding negatively reactive behavior in front of someone they hardly know – who they should be trying to impress – says a lot about their character.

Premature neediness

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your date showing signs they like you. But when your date is already talking about validating the current status of the relationship, or wanting more from it, shows they are only desperate.

If your date begins delving into your past relationships more than what’s comfortable for you, or constantly needing reassurance of your interest, that shows a sign of insecurity. The constant need of your approval on the first date is a major red flag and an early sign of what is expected in the relationship.

Abusive behavior

Any form of abusive behavior is unacceptable behavior. Whether its verbal, physical or emotional. If your date talks down to you, makes you feel like you have no way out of the situation, controls every conversation, or has a constant physical grip on you, those are clear signs your date has possible abusive and control issues. And if your date shows any abusive behavior on the first date, its only a downward spiral from there.

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Too private

If its like pulling teeth to get your date to talk, elaborate, open up, or reciprocate the conversation, it might be an early sign of poor communication skills and possibly secrecy. Sometimes it may feel that your date refuses to fully answer questions, or feels reluctant on the answers to certain questions.

A first date is all about getting to know one another, asking questions and testing each other’s compatibility. And if you walk away from the date wondering what you even got out of it, it’s a sign of what your relationship will be like thereafter.

You’re put in a cornered situation

Things said that can put you in an awkward situation, such as ‘Am I even good enough for you?’, ‘Do you even like me – I get the feeling you don’t?’, ‘I don’t know where this is going – I feel like I am more interested in you than you are me.’ Any of these things said on a first date are trap questions, only to make you feel like you have to second guess yourself. They are the questions that make you think to yourself, ‘What do I even say to that?’ If you have to wonder that at any point, it might be time to end the date there.

It’s all about me, me, me

This red flag is far too common, especially for first dates. But sometimes they can be taken to the extreme; if your date is nervous, they might talk too much, spill too much, or babble on about themselves just to avoid awkward silence. But if the conversation seems to flow easily back and forth, except that the conversation always leads to being able your date. If your date never seems to reciprocate in asking questions back, or in getting to know you, that could be a the sign of selfishness, and someone needing control and validation at all times.

Talks down to you

If there’s any, ‘You can’t possibly be able to afford a two bedroom apartment with that job’, ‘Do you even do any work at that job’, ‘I can tell you don’t work out enough’, ‘Pretty sure I know more about life than you, I’m older’, ‘That sounds like a boring life – work and school’, ‘You should go blonde, I mean, they’re sexier and have more fun – you’d look better blonde’, ‘The food’s good, but you should take on cooking classes or something’, and so on. I could go on and on. And I hope you catch my drift of ‘talking down’ on a first date.

Humor, or insults?

These can be tricky. If your date is making jokes about your looks (whether it be your outfit, your hair, the way you talk), it might come off sounding like he’s not very good at being funny, or is just simply an a** without a care in the world on how you may feel from it. If humor is constantly directed at you, or about you, you might consider addressing the issue (since, in fact, your date might just be nervous and overly trying to impress you). But destroying your ego and self esteem on the first date isn’t a good choice in starting a relationship.

He/She’s trying to change you

If your date says anything in an attempt to alter your appearance, way of life, interests or beliefs: kick the boot, immediately, and never look back. Period.

Since there are so many first date red flags, it’s important to see the signs that can lead the relationship down a negative path. If at one point you feel unclear, unsure, or closed off after a first date, it’s crucial to address the issues and make a decision solely based on your happiness and what you deserve in a relationship.

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Relationship

How To Reconcile With An Old Friend

True and good friends are to be treasured because they are not so easy to come by. But in life, we make mistakes because we’re human and sometimes people who love each other and think very highly of each other fall out because of offences from one or both parties.

The loss of such a valuable relationship can be very painful and leave a hole in both lives. Repairing such a friendship and reconciling with your friend will bring healing and help you to get on with your lives better. Even in the event that such reconciliation fails, knowing that you tried helps to provide closure.

Making an effort to reconcile with an estranged friend is a sign of humility and willingness to forgive. It is a venture that is worth the try because good friendships help to alleviate the troubles of life, provide us with support and give us the gift of persons that we can share the ups and downs of life with.

These steps below are suggestions what can be done to bring about reconciliation with an estranged friend:

1. Own Your stuff
Be ready to own and accept your share of responsibility for the break down of the friendship. Even when you can recount the other party’s fault or believe them to be more responsible, your concern is own your faults. This is because pointing out the other’s faults, at this delicate time, will not help the reconciliation process.
Besides that, what is most important is that you own and make amends for your errors if you truly desire reconciliation. However, do not not accept blame that is not yours as this may set your reconciliation on a wrong footing of unbalanced compromise that may later result in resentment and further breakdown.

2. Try To Make Amends
Make amends where you can; apologize,retract any wrong things you’ve said, be the first to request the reinstatement of the friendship. Whatever you can do to restore the relationship (within the limits of reason and morality), do to gain your friend back.

3. Forgive and Move on
Let the past go; you should not keep recalling past wrongs or mistakes at the slightest cause. This will keep reopening old wounds and will not allow your friendship to move forward.

4. Create Something New
Both of you keep changing and keep evolving. Accept the ways in which your needs and relation to one another have changed. Don’t try to force the old friendship; accept the new ways it is unfolding

Relationship

How To Know When You’re In Love

Love is a very intense feeling and everyone has either been in love with someone or been loved by someone. For many people its both ways. However, many people don’t really know what love is? The word has just become an ordinary cliche. People have tended to confuse infatuation or lust for love. 

Often times, love enters our lives without us searching for it. It might even surprise you to find affection for someone else stirring in your heart. When you grow in a relationship, you might even be eager to jump into marriage before knowing all you should about yourself and being in love. There are three questions you should ask yourself to uncover if you are truly in love.

1. Does the person you love make you want to be a better version of yourself?
A partnership should make both people stronger. With that in mind, if you are in love, you will scrutinize the kind of person you are. It’s natural to want to show your partner the best version of yourself. You might try to be more patient, more open, more giving. That evolution of your better self, happens when you are in love.

2. When you think of the future, are they in it?
When life is going well, planning for the future can be fun. It’s even better when you are doing it with someone you want to share that time with. Are you making plans with the person you love? Not just dates or romantic weekends away, but solid aspirations. When you think of marriage, children, and the other major events you have on the horizon, what role does your partner play? It the answer is not one at all, you aren’t in love.

3. Are their priorities and dreams becoming yours as well?
A relationship is made up of two different people with different experiences who come together with mutual feelings. Those feelings mean more than love. You’re not in love if you haven’t had a melding of each other’s principles. A relationship needs to have a common belief structure. The partner’s dreams should become yours and their priorities should blend with yours to create a shared belief system.

Even if you aren’t in love now, it doesn’t mean that your time won’t come. Being in love is one of the greatest, most complicated, and most incredible relationships you will have. Now that you know what to look for to know you are in love, it will be that much easier to spot when it enters your life.