Relationship

5 Habits of People Who Cheat

The world has become so complex today that to actually find a partner who doesn’t cheat is becoming increasingly tougher by the day. Truthfully, no one goes into a relationship with a guy/girl who would cheat on them. For example, 70% of the ladies I speak to, tell me that their greatest turn off in a relationship is a guy who cheats. Now do not get me wrong, I’m in no way implying that its only guys that cheat, ‘cos we all know that both guys and girls cheat alike. However, it’s really not easy to spot a cheater, as there’s no sure-fire way to know who would and would not cheat/. Relationships vary and people have several reasons why they cheat.

Even with the fact that there are different ways to cheat as well as different reasons why people cheat; there are a several traits that habitual cheaters share in common. A few of these habits would be looked at below.

woman-looking-suspiciously-at-a-man-kenecares.wordpress.com

*They are glued to Their Phone

Being glued to their phone is a common habit of people who cheat. They always ensure that they do not let their phone out of their sight. If you notice a change in phone habit, then that’s a very bad sign that something’s gone wrong somewhere. Phone calls are usually taken away from your presence, at odd hours, spending hours on the phone and they you don’t have an idea of why or what they’re discussing about, speaking in hushed tones over the phone are not very good signals. Although, it’s always best to take time and find out the truth before running into conclusion.

*They Suddenly Become All Loved Up

Now, it’s not a crime to be all-loved up in a relationship but it’s a problem when it just happens suddenly. Alright, I believe in miracles but our God is not a God of confusion. Truthfully, cheaters in a bit to keep their partners in the dark, try to shower with so much love, so that your mind doesn’t even imagine they would be playing any ‘away’ match. Some of them also do this because of the guilt they may be feeling in their heart. Rob Alex says ‘I think the one beginning sign your partner is cheating is that they are overly affectionate to you. If all of a sudden, they start acting totally different in their affection toward you, it could be a sign’.

*Their Sex Life becomes Different

Away from the normal stream of thought that an individual who cheats is usually starved of sex at home, some people just cheat because they don’t see themselves having sex with just one person. You see this gets me thinking, like why do they even marry in the first place then but marriage is not just about sex , is it? Nikki Martinez says that ‘often when a partner is cheating, they will become more sexual than they have in a long time’. Sometimes, it results in some of them having greater drive for sex and wanting to last longer than usual during sex. The problem that arises from this is that, they tend to want to compare their wives to the other (more energetic and skilled) girls they sleep outside, the result; lack of sexual satisfaction with their partners and invariably more sexual escapades.

couple-looking-away-from-each-other-angrily-kenecares.blogspot.com
Photo Credit: Shuttershock

*They Lie More Times than They Eat

Well, this is an unavoidable and predictable habit of someone who cheats. Cheaters tend to lie with impunity and they know they have to do this to protect their secret life. Show me a cheater who doesn’t lie and I’ll show you a whore who doesn’t sleep with men. Just like Roger says ‘If you catch your partner in one hurtful lie, chances are that’s not the only one’. It’s being said that one lie leads to another lie. Cheating partners lie about where they go, what they are talking about on phone, who their friends are, etc.

*They Suddenly Get Over-protective of You

In every relationship, there’s surely going to be some form of jealousy (which sometimes snowballs into suspicion), especially from partners who are very emotional but these things come from partners who are cheaters. Now, this is because cheaters sometimes make it a habit to keep close tabs on their partner, especially if they fear that their partner may also break the trust between them, being that they are guilty of the same crime. I remember meeting someone who refused to allow his partner do any paid work because he feared that men in the corporate world may sweep his wife off her feet and date her; just the same way he did to other ladies, as a man in the corporate world. In other words, if your partner suddenly starts becoming over-protective, you need to watch it.

As mentioned earlier, there are different types of cheaters and different reasons why people cheat, so the issue of cheating always has to be handled with understanding. There really is no standard solution to the solve the problem of cheating, but with love, patience, and understanding between partners, the problem of cheating can always be resolved.

 

Advertisements
Relationship

10 Things To Do To Have A Great First Date

So  you have that date with this folk you’ve probably never met before. Current of ideas flowing through our head and ‘what to do’ and ‘what not to do’. Confusion (or anxiety-if you prefer that term) seems to made your mind its temporary residence.Finally the hour comes. You are the agreed venue for the date. At this point you’re heart is probably giving you some nice DJ music (especially if its your first date). Now you’re wondering “OMG!!! Do I like nice? Is my hair looking good? Do I smell nice? What would be his/her first reaction when we meet face-to-face. Wollup (hold up) Dear…With all these confusion, you would probably just mess up this while thing.

Relax, you don’t need to overthink things, just keep on reading. Below are 10 tips that would help you achieve a perfect ‘first’ date night (or could it be ‘date morning or afternoon’-that would be a bit weird-night is just perfect)

Show Up Early
Showing up on time or fashionably late on your first date is a big turnoff. It shows that you didn’t care enough to plan ahead and get to the spot early. Make sure you know the quickest route to the date venue, and that you show up a few minutes early. In fact, showing up before the other person gets there is always a good idea. It puts you on strong footing, and shows your date you care about making a good impression 

Ask Questions

This doesn’t mean you should take a list of questions with you to the date, but you should have questions in mind to ask your date. These questions don’t need to be intrusive, but they should show that you’re interested in learning more about the person. Some good questions are: ‘What qualities do you look for in your friends?’ and ‘What would your best friend say about you?

 Go Easy On the Alcohol

Limit yourself to one alcoholic beverage during your date. Some people try to take the edge of their nervousness by drinking, which can lead to a buzz and disastrous conversation. And remember that your date is taking mental notes about everything you do, and if you’re slamming down cocktails, that may not gain you any brownie points.

Be Honest

One tendency on a first date is not to rock the boat, so people often give canned or safe answers to questions they are asked. But it’s always better to be honest with your opinions, though that doesn’t mean you should intentionally offend. First dates are all about making assessments, and people can tell if you’re speaking from the heart, or just giving standard responses.

No Dirty Talk

Not sure it has to be mentioned, by avoid talking about the bedroom. Unless you and your dates discover that you are freaks, this is not an appropriate topic for a first date. It’s not bold or interesting to reveal your desires to someone who is pretty much a stranger, so curb your conversation about the bedroom.

Dress Well

You don’t have to wear a tux or a suit, but don’t come in torn jeans and flip-flops either. Casual elegance is the name of the game, so show up as if you respect the person on the date and yourself. Anything ripped or stained is out, just keep business casual in mind, and you’ll be fine.

Don’t Check Your Phone

No matter how obsessed you are with your smartphone, don’t check it on your first date. If you take a call or send a text during the date, it’s a sign that you’re bored, or that you don’t respect your date enough to wait to use your phone. And frankly, unless it’s an emergency, there’s no reason to be on your phone during a date.

Smile

Another thing that sounds simple, but is often overlooked is the art of smiling. Smiling is one of the most effective ways to put your date at ease. A genuine smile shows that you’re having fun and that you’re enjoying spending time on the date. 

Avoid Going Somewhere Distracting

What’s distracting? Going on a first date to a place that’s overflowing with beautiful women and hot guys. Your goal is to focus on your date without being tempted by distractions, so going to a club filled with women in skimpy dresses and men with muscles is probably not the best idea.

Do Your Research

Chances are that your first date was generated by another encounter, or by a dating website, so you do have the opportunity to do some background intel on your date. Most people have some kind of social media presence, so going on the person’s Facebook account can yield some information that you can use to generate conversation during the date.

Health, Relationship

8 Types Of Libido That Spouses Have

Why do you lay so much emphasis on sex and sexuality? From my opinion, I think sex is a basic thing; why give so much attention to it?’ This was a question I was asked while I was in South Africa giving a talk on sex and sexual health matters.

The first big misconception many people have is thinking that sex is basic and natural and should not be learnt. It is as a result of this discourse that sex education has long been obstructed as if it is not necessary to understand the mechanisms at which it works. Then again, this has caused a lot of damages to many homes.

In reality, sex is cultural; it is the fruit of a learning process and it is something we all have to learn. Until we start learning, we might not be able to unravel the mechanism behind the female’s sexuality or the way the erection functions.

As such, today, we want to see seven ways couples can enjoy instant raging passion by being able to differentiate various types of libidos. I would advise you read this together with your spouse, so that both of you can find out which area you fall into. So, let us look into the arousal types of libidos.

The Sensual Libido Spouse.
This is a spouse who wants sex to be emotional, connecting and superficially physical. The spouse cherishes love play more than the actual sexual acts. This category of spouses is more of introvert lovers than extroverts. Bu the erotic libido spouses are spouses who want sexto be intense and passionate, at least some of the times. They want to explore all the wondrous varieties of sexual activities that are available. Though they can cope with periods of ordinary s*x, there are regular opportunities for adventurous and sizzling s*x. If you have a strong erotic libido, you get little or no pleasure from low key sex and this might cause problems in the relationship, because your partner might start feeling the pressure to perform at great heights all the time, which is never good.

The Dependent Libido Spouses 
They are spouses who need sex to cope with problems. Sex soothes them and makes them feel better. They are more sexually active when they have to deal with bad feelings such as stress, boredom or anxiety, pressure, loss of loved one, when they are sick or troubled. When such spouse does not have an understanding partner, the relationship is always under undue pressure because in such cases, if your partner doesn’t want to do it when you want because you are in an emotional state, you might tend to interpret it as lack of love and care. It would look like she or he is refusing to give you the medicine you need to… feel better. The reactive libido spouses are spouses who care more about the sexual needs of their partner. They sometimes even end up ignoring their own desires if they feel they are not what their partner usually enjoys. These spouses put a lot of effort into foreplay and can only climax once they are sure their wives have.

The Entitled Libido Spouses
These are spouses who assume that it’s their God’s given right to get whatever they want in their sexual relationship, regardless of the feeling of the other partner. Their mindset is, ‘If I want hot steamy sex, I should be given the opportunity to have hot steamy sex and if on the contrary, I want cuddling, my partner should provide me with just that.’ This category of spouses is very influenced by the ideas of sex in movies and books and they think they are entitled to have the same great sex as they watch on the screen.

The Addictive Libido Spouses

Even though this is a destructive type of libido, spouses with this type believe that until they have sex outside their matrimonial bed, they are not having the best of sex. Their problem is that they can’t seem to resist the urge of having sex outside their relationship. It’s not as if they don’t love and cherish their partners, it is just that they are constantly craving for more elusive sex. These spouses are filled with the mirage that marital sex is boring compared to the dangerous allure of doing it with a complete stranger or animal. Like any addiction, you are the one that controls the behaviours and not vice versa. So, instead of destroying your relationship, family, marriage and life, make up your mind to live clean, have a positive mindset towards the best things in life.

The Stressed Libido Spouses.
Such spouses are always on their toes, constantly worrying about their performance and about whether what they are doing is pleasurable or not. They tend to avoid having sex for fear of failure, even though they might still be very aroused. In fact, they kill their sex life before its actual death. These are the people who worry about no or low libido, erectile dysfunction and so on. But if you can take this unnecessary worry off, you can enjoy the sexual pleasure wholeheartedly.

The Disinterested Libido Spouses 
These are spouses with naturally low libido. They practically have no physical or emotional problem with having sex; they just seem not to be in the mood. If you’re one of those, you might develop feelings of guilt and defence because you’re not able to satisfy your partner. However, you must accept that you have not chosen to be a disinterested libido type. But for the sake of your spouse, you must learn the act of building your libido just as when people go to the gym to build up their body muscles.

The Detached Libido Spouses
These are spouses who usually feel sexual desire but are too preoccupied with other life issues to seek marital s*x. Being overwhelmed by financial or work pressure, you might think that sex is the last thing on your list right now, but be aware that this attitude does more wrong than good to the relationship. The compulsive libido spouses are spouses who have one main sexual body object or image object that triggers their sexual arousal. That is, a particular feature or shape or image in their spouse’s body is the only thing that will arouse them. For such people, just mere looking at the bosom of their spouse or the smell of their spouse’s underwears or the shape of their spouse’s vulva or man-hood or their spouse’s moaning or the colour of their spouse’s underwear, could trigger their arousal.

Zero Libido Spouses
This category may also have spouses who previously had good or enough libido for satisfying s*xual relationship but along the way, some illness or aliment that were either not well treated medically, eventually had an effect on their libido. Such ailments include mumps, which is in most cases, a childhood infection. This infection is usually a virus infection which most of the time, has no medical cure, and as such, treatment is being given according to the symptoms it presented per time. When a male child is not well protected against these mumps infection, the resultant effect is usually that the virus would spread all over the body and would damage the testicle, scrotum of the male child. Unfortunately, the damaging effect is impotency. Sometimes, erectile dysfunction does not usually present itself until when the man is an adult or a young adult. And one of the ways the man feels the effect is when he doesn’t have a feel of libido at all.

Funmi Akingbade

Health, Relationship

18+ : 5 Ways To Control Addiction to Pornography, Masturbation, and Sex

Pornography, Masturbation and Sex have overtime, become one of the greatest tools which the devil employs to destroy people. Individuals have thus found themselves helpless and hapless in curbing and controlling their coital urge. Tough as it may be to control one’s sexual desire, here are five things you can do to stem the tide;

1. Talk To God About It: This surely should be the first step in coming out of dire situations. You need to talk to God about it because at the end of the day, He is the only one that can truly help you.

2. Avoid Touching Sensitive Parts of Your Body: Everyone of us has a sensitive part of our body, otherwise known as ‘sexual hot spots’. It is important we know which part of our body turns us on mostly, when touched. Generally, the nipples, penis, breast etc are sexual hot spots. Thus, you should avoid touching the parts of your body that turn you on easily.

3. Avoid Reading and Watching Sexually Stimulating Articles, Images and Videos : Sexual articles or stories create images of sexual scenes in  the mind which in turn stimulate emotions in individuals. The same principle applies to sexually explicit pictures. Similarly, sexually explicit videos (porn) stimulate masturbation and some of them have negative spiritual implications. Thus, they should be avoided.

4. Avoid Friends That Always Talk About Sex: You are what you listen to, a popular adage says. One way to control addiction to sex and sexual content is to avoid gatherings and people that always talk about sex. This is because the more you keep listening to sexual talk, the more stimulated you become.

5. Read Articles/Books and Watch Videos That Can Help You: This is also important as it enables you discover several other ways to control your sexual urge.

Addiction is a pretty normal occurrence in the life of a human being. Never loathe yourself because of your addiction because every problem always has a solution. The big question is are you ready to take pragmatic steps towards applying the solution? The results of the steps you may take would most times,  not yield a complete result immediately because addictions take time to stop.

Health

5 Other Ways to Prevent Pregnancy without Condom

When it comes to having protected S3@.x:’, the truth is that many people are more concerned about not getting pregnant than S3@.x:’ually transmitted diseases (STDs). Especially among young people who are not really very conscious of the implications of STDs, the focus is on ensuring that there is not repercussion 9 months after tumbling in bed N@kkd.

While many people have turned to condoms for refuge, it must be noted that there are other ways a S3@.x:’ually active couple – married or single, can prevent unwanted pregnancies from happening as discussed by The Health Site. Though condoms have been proven to be 98% effective when used correctly, some people find them uncomfortable.

Also, when there is a certainty that there are no STD risk, some people see no reason for a condom and then they use these methods:

1. Oral contraceptive pills (OCPs) – these are also called ‘birth control pills’. A woman needs to take these pills regularly to prevent pregnancy. They work in two ways: some prevent the release of an ovum from the ovary while others secrete thick mucus that prevent contact between sperm and egg.

2. Copper T – this is a type of intrauterine contraceptive device that is placed inside the uterus of the woman. The device prevents the implantation of a fertilized egg.

3. V@.g!nal bolus – this is a large tablet that you can insert into the V@.g!na about 30 minutes before S3@.x:’. The tablet contains a spermicidal compound that that prevents pregnancy.

4. Depot Medroxyprogesterone Acetate (DMPA) injection – this is an intramuscular injections that is taken every 3 months to prevent pregnancy.

5. Morning After Pills – this is an emergency contraceptive method that is swallowed orally not more than 72 hours after the unprotected S3@.x:’ happens.

Health

The Truth About BDSM

BDSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). The terms are lumped together that way because BDSM can be a lot of different things to different people with different preferences. Most of the time, a person’s interests fall into one or two of those categories, rather than all of them. Here are certain facts about BDSM.

1. It doesn’t always involve sex, but it can. Most people think BDSM is always tied to sex, and while it can be for some people, others draw a hard line between the two. “Both are bodily experiences that are very intense and sensual and cause a lot of very strong feelings in people who practice them, but they’re not the same thing,” says Thorn. The metaphor she uses for it: a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It’s kind of similar with BDSM; it’s a matter of personal and sexual preference.

2. BDSM encounters are called “scenes.” Again, since it isn’t always about intercourse, you wouldn’t necessarily say that you “had sex” or “hooked up” with someone after a BDSM experience. Instead, these are called scenes (like, you scened with someone or you had a scene).
“It’s an evolution from a time where, if you did S&M, you might only do it with a professional for an hour, or you might just see it performed at a BDSM club,” says Brame. “Now people have much more organic relationships, but they still call it a scene — the time when we bring out the toys or get into that headspace.”

3. There are dominants, submissives, tops, and bottoms. So you’ve probably heard about dominants and submissives (if not, the dominant enjoys being in charge, while the submissive enjoys receiving orders). But BDSMers may also use the terms “tops” and “bottoms” to describe themselves. A top could refer to a dominant or a sadist (someone who enjoys inflicting pain), while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain). This allows you to have a blanket term for those who generally like being on either the giving or receiving end in a BDSM encounter. And there’s no rule that says you can’t be both dominant and submissive in different circumstances or with different partners.

4. It’s not as spontaneous as Hollywood movies or porn make it out to be. Getting swept up in the moment and accidentally stumbling into a millionaire’s red room (where you’ll have multiple orgasms) is probably not going to happen to you ever. But, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. “The sexual fantasy makes everything look so easy,” says Brame. “People who actually do this stuff are very cautious about it. It has to be the right place and right time and right equipment. And you have to know you can get the person out [of whatever bondage] if there’s an emergency. You have to feel you can trust the person.” So there’s a lot that goes into one scene, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less satisfying for those who enjoy it.

5. There’s actually a pre-negotiation period, where the partners discuss what they like, what they don’t like, and what they absolutely will not tolerate.
Think of this as the primer before the scene. “It’s a way of discussing the experience ahead of time that can increase emotional security,” says Thorn. This can involve anything from scripts and checklists to a more informal discussion of what each person’s expectations are for the scene, what they want and don’t want, and any words or actions that are completely off-limits.

6. Know that you can always say no. A lot of people starting out think it’s ‘all or nothing,’ especially if you’ve only been with one partner,” says Thorn. For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you’re not necessarily into. But that’s absolutely wrong. You can — and should — pick and choose which BDSM activities you are and are not interested in, says Thorn. And that can vary depending on the situation, the partner, or even the day. Just remember that consent is a requirement in BDSM, and it’s possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another.

Source:buzzfeed.com