Relationship

Let Them Go

man-standing-at-sea-shore-kenzecares.blogspot.com

​The fact  that someone is part of your history  doesn’t  necessarily imply that they must be part of your destiny. Know when to draw the  curtain.

Whether you realize it or not, people who refuse to grow with you simply can’t go with you. So often we get so caught up in our emotions that we seem to think that just because someone has been by our side for years that we are entitled to take them with us to each proceeding level of our lives. At some point in your life you must realize that everyone can’t go with you to the next level and here’s why:

Some People Are Seasonal Tyler Perry put it best in his hit movie Madea Goes To Jail: Some people come into your life and they are like leaves on a tree. They are only there for a season. You can’t depend on them or count on them because they are weak and only there to give you shade. Like leaves, they are there to take what they need and as soon as it gets cold or wind blows in your life they are gone. You can’t be angry at them, it’s just who they are.

man-letting-balloons-go-up-in-the-air-kenzecares.wordpress.com
Photo Credit: Alexis Nyal

Some People Will Only Remember You From Your Past “Remember when…” we all have those friends who always begins their conversations with us using those two words.For many of us it’s often fun to reminisce; however, when you’re on your way to destiny you can’t afford to spend time looking in the rearview mirror. Those who constantly remind you of your past, can’t propel you to your future.

Some People Can’t Handle Where You’re Going. Let’s face it. Not everyone can handle where you’re going and once you settle that within yourself you will stop allowing yourself to get bent out shape over people who walked away. Motivational speaker Tony Gaskins put it best: you’re going to lose some people on the way, but remember not everyone is intended to go with you.

As difficult as letting go of some people can be,  it is an inevitable factor in friendship, when the ship gets heavy.

Advertisements
Motivation, Relationship

Are You Being Too Self-centered?

girl-pointing-at-herself-kenzecares.blogspot.com

“Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

This insight is universal because it reminds us that the people in our lives are dealing with their own hardships; that they have their own pain to process.Even with a sage reminder like this, why is it that we only see our own distress when in the middle of hard times? Why do we feel that we have a monopoly on pain?

We first must understand why we become more self-centered in times of anxiety. A recent study found that troubled feelings increase our reliance on egocentric thinking–meaning that we stop seeing other’s perspectives while distressed. We become more self-centered when experiencing unhappy circumstances and this causes us to only see our own agonies because of our agitated, single-focused minds.

Our selfishness is bound to be apparent to others as well. One study has shown that patients who used more first-person pronouns (I and me) during therapy sessions had a higher incidence of depression while other research found that people suffering from social anxiety manifest more exaggerated self-attention. Once we understand the physiological reason behind our selfishness and how it negatively affects us, we have to start combating it.

One way we can minimize our monopoly on pain is to 
listen. Many times we assume we know someone’s struggle without hearing the whole story but we are really just filling in the blanks with our own experiences. If we commit to pausing our assumptions and listening, we can start to see perspectives outside our own.

image-of-the-word-me-kenzecares.wordpress.com

Another way is to begin practicing empathy. It is hard when our brains are set on only seeing the narrow scope of our experiences but if we attempt to put ourselves in another’s shoes, we will begin to empathize with them and their troubles. It is difficult when it feels all life’s troubles are aimed solely at us but that feeling isn’t accurate. We must look past our personal pain and see that we are all fighting our own battles and then we’ll gain enough mutual understanding to join forces.


At the end of the day, no one really cares about what award you won, how much money you made, what you spent on your car, how many politicians you know, how great your hair looks, or what grades you got. What they will care about is how good you made them feel, and trust me when I say that self-centered people rarely make people feel good.


Health, Motivation

How To Overcome Stress

Burden. Overload. Stress. Do these words describe the way you feel about life? If that’s the case, I want you to know you’re not alone. And with God’s help, you can change your outlook and overcome your situation. No matter what’s going on around you, you can have a life in Christ filled with peace and joy.

1. Say something positive. If you constantly feel overwhelmed or under stress and you can’t pinpoint the exact reason, start making some Biblical daily confessions. Rather than getting up each day, talking about how bad things are, begin each day declaring God’s Word and His promises over your life. I am more than a conqueror! (Romans 8:37) God will provide for my every need! (Matthew 6:26) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (Philippians 4:13)

2. Fine-tune your budget. If your finances are a source of constant stress in your life, decide to start a budget (or reevaluate your current budget). What is something practical you can do to solve the problem? Cut an expense that is a luxury but not a necessity. Look for a new way to make some additional money. Ask someone who is good with finances to take a look at your budget and give you some suggestions.

3. Do something surprising. If there is someone who is driving up your stress levels by constantly hurting your feelings, do something nice for them—send them a kind note, buy them lunch, tell them something you appreciate about them, or begin praying for them on a regular basis. By doing these little things you are taking steps of faith and obeying God’s command to love your enemies.

4. Upgrade your energy level. If a nagging health problem is leaving you feeling stressed out and run down, start an exercise routine. No more excuses. Set aside time each day to get the exercise and care your body desperately needs. Rather than making excuses, make a plan…and stick to it. You may think that you simply don’t have the energy to exercise. You feel too bad, or you’re too tired. But I often find when I go ahead and begin to exercise that I start to feel better. Exercise takes energy, but it gives you back more energy than it takes!

5. Get out of your rut. If the demands of work are overwhelming and causing you to feel overloaded, do something about it. Delegate some tasks, reevaluate your systems or talk to your boss. (Your boss may not even realize how much you are doing or how it is negatively affecting your personal life.) Instead of complaining how overworked you are, look for ways to be more efficient and how to make the most of your time each day.

These are just a few examples, but as you can see, there are so many ways you can step out in faith in order to live the life Jesus died to give you.

Motivation, Relationship

Do you have too many doors open?

“ Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” says T.D Jakes.

Although it may be hard to believe when we are in the midst of struggle, our deepest pain is the catalyst for our transformation.Yet, healing and growth are not possible if the door is still open to those people and experiences that chip away at your peace.

Are you still allowing people and things that hurt you into your life? Truthfully, we cannot rebuke a devil that we continually grant access to our lives. You know that you don’t want to live in drama, for example, yet pick up the phone when that friend calls. He promised he would never put you down again, yet you’ve turned the other cheek so much your head is spinning.

Protection of ourselves, and our core, is critical. Psychologists have found that slipping into patterns of self-sabotage happens all too easily.  In fact, whether it’s sticking to a health plan, quitting smoking, or removing ourselves from a toxic relationship, 80-90% of us will slide back to what feels familiar and comfortable. We generally do not want to step out of our comfort zone, yet just like a young woman said:

Conviction and Comfort don’t live on the same block.

Yet, researchers have found that we can use what they call “if-then plans” to change our unhealthy emotional patterns.  Simply by thinking, or even writing down, “If (stressor/obstacle) arises, then I will (respond in this way)” gives us a concrete way out. Reframing these stressors will allow us to cut toxic people and situations out of our lives for good.
It’s been said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” 

Closing the door to what hurts you stops this cycle.
Finding the strength to cut people out of our lives does not mean we hate them, but rather that we are striving to build up our respect for ourselves .  We will no longer stand in the way of our own healing and growth. The roadblocks and stop signs are up–this road is finally closed.


Forgive people when they hurt you but also learn from the experience.



Uncategorized

THE BEAUTY OF YOUR SINGLE SEASON

Lildana's place

The beauty of your single season

Hi guys, look who is back!!!

My life went from less busy to very busy real quick, I couldn’t even keep up. But am here now.

If you are done from university, the questions you start to get more than anything else is “when are you getting married” or “who is the guy” and questions in that regard. Also this period, I have had the highest number of people I know getting engaged and am asking “is this in my neighbourhood and am just oblivious.” And it made me think about my single season and how much I am doing with it and realizing more about myself.

People are more interested in dating other people that they have not even dated themselves yet. The single season is a period for you to discover more about yourself, invest in your future. If you love to sew, find a sewing class and…

View original post 568 more words

Uncategorized

From Pity Party to Praise 

Awake In The Silence


Life may be not what you planned. Actually if we’re honest when is it ever? There are times in our lives where we have a plan and then we turn around just to see that the plan is completely taken out, there’s 15 sub plots, the person you can’t stand is coming over, and the list goes on.

What do we do when life throws curve balls? We could just sit and pout and go to the “woe is me” phase. Sure, you may have perfect reasoning and justification to go into the depth of self pity, but what is that going to do in the long run?

So many times a week I could just let my emotions get ahold of me and just curl up in my bed and not come out. But alas, the life of adulthood does not allow for that. I have work, friends, a…

View original post 384 more words

Motivation

The Danger of Complaining 

Complaining is dangerous . It can damage or even destroy your relationship with God, your relationships with other people, and even with your relationship with yourself. It’s easy to complain. We likely don’t realize how much we do it. I believe it’s one of the most challenging things to overcome.Philippians 2:14 says, Do all things without grumbling and faultfinding and complaining…. That’s a pretty clear command. And not something anyone can do in their own way

Like I said before, it’s easy to complain. There are many things that happen every day that we could murmur about. But they really aren’t worth the effort it takes to get upset and gripe about it. For example, we travel a lot and stay in a lot of hotels. I like to take a hot bath to relax before speaking at our conferences. Once when I went to fix my bath, I discovered there was no hot water. So I called the front desk to see about getting hot , but they weren’t able to fix the problem when I needed them to. And later, I learned that my room was the only room in the hotel that didn’t have hot water!

Now, I could have gotten all upset about this at the time. But God helped me to relax about it and resist the temptation to get upset. And the truth is, complaining wouldn’t have changed anything – it would have just made the situation harder.

Complaining comes from an ungrateful, prideful attitude of the heart. It causes us to feel that we shouldn’t be inconvenienced or have bad things happen to us. The truth is, I’ve done most of my spiritual growing during the hardest and most painful times of my life. The trials of life have caused me to press in to God. And as I’ve done that, He’s changed me. He’s helped me to develop an attitude of gratitude and humility, which has brought real freedom into my life.

Make it your goal to have a constant attitude of gratitude. Resist the temptation to complain and instead praise and thank God for who He is and all He’s done for you. By God’s grace and through His strength, you can overcome complaining and live each day with a thankful heart!

Joyce Meyer

Motivation, Relationship

Tips To Keep in Mind When Networking 

According to World Report, over 70% of people land jobs through networking. Networking is key to advancing your career or business. When done correctly, it can result in a new position, contract or worthwhile business deal.

On the other hand, when done ineffectively, though, it can lead to wasted time or –– far worse –– a bad first impression. At the core of good networking is effective relationship building, which means fostering meaningful conversations and focusing on the person to whom you are speaking. In turn, you’ll have the opportunity to share who you are and, in the process, uncover potential opportunities.

Take your networking to the next level by avoiding these common mistakes people make when attempting to build their networks.

1. Don’t Wait To Be Approached
Avoid playing shy. You might not usually approach strangers, but networking events provide the perfect cover for you to initiate a conversation. Start by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you enjoy most about X?” or “Why did you get involved with Y?” And don’t let the conversation stop at the event. Instead, follow up, because most people won’t. Send a quick email thanking your new contact, and if you’re looking to meet up again, mention it then.

2. Don’t Be Inauthentic
Avoid superficial conversations by cultivating curiousity. The wider your range of interests, the more capable you’ll be of staying true to yourself while allowing the conversation to go where it may. The best way to appear interesting is to be interesting. Conversations will only get awkward once you begin overthinking and stepping outside yourself.

3. Don’t Be Self-Centered
Avoid framing every interaction in terms of how you might benefit. Instead, look at the initial conversation as the start of a relationship that you’ll need to water to grow. The fruits of networking sometimes take several seasons to develop. Be faithful in cultivating authentic relationships centered around mutual interests.

Motivation

About Finding Your Purpose

Life as we know it is not a bed of roses. We must constantly encourage ourselves and push for greatness. Sometimes, we get to some points where we feel like we can’t go further than this, but if there’s one thing you should know, it is ‘While you’re still  breathing, never ever  give up’. Let these quotes from T.D Jakes further  inspire you to be a better version of yourself.

1. “Don’t stop at where you are as if it were the destination, when in fact, in reality, it may be the transportation that brings you into that thing you were created to do.” Our current circumstances should never limit us from reaching our true potential. We must turn our struggles into the vehicles that spur our transformation.


2. “Everything you’ve gone through is preparation for what’s about to happen in your life. The LORD has already given you a word, MOVE!”
When we “move,” we bring about the growth we desire. Tragedy hasn’t stopped you, heartbreak didn’t defeat you, failure does not define you; use this hard-earned wisdom to grasp your purpose and shape your future.

3. “We need to be who we were called to be instead of contorting ourselves into what other people want us to be!” The surest way to lose yourself is to focus on other people’s voice instead of your own. Jakes calls on us to walk into our destiny and embrace our true purpose in life. Stop conforming!

4. “It is time for us to find the thing we were created to do, the people we were meant to affect, and the power that comes from alignment with purpose.”
This powerful quote from his book, “Instinct: The Power to Unleash Your Inborn Drive ,” speaks to the clarity to be gained from the search for our truth. If you are in a job that drains you, it’s time to galvanize your forces and take the necessary steps to move on. The road will be taxing, but the promise of fulfilling your true purpose will fortify your conviction.

5. “Here is the problem with how many people approach the question of purpose: Many are looking outside of themselves for their purpose, destiny, or meaning in life. The very key to knowing your purpose is discovering and celebrating your personal identity.”
Purpose resides in us; we must be directors in the script of our lives. In his work “Identity: Discover Who You Are and Live A Life Of Purpose,” T.D. Jakes reminds us that as you get to know more about yourself –– your likes, dislikes, values and triggers –– you will have a greater sense of whether or not the life you lead suits you. Life’s noise can be deafening; when is the last time you sat in complete silence and listened for the messages from your heart?

6. “God is about to plant you in a big thing. Your eyes have not seen, your ears have not heard, neither has entered into your heart what God has in store for you!”
From his electric sermon, “The Starving Prince,” from The Potter’s House Sunday service, Jakes challenges us to believe in our purpose. The “big thing” we were meant to do is coming! As you search for your true purpose in life, do not waver in your faith to overcome your current adversity.

7. “If we are called to be the salt of the earth, we have to get out of the saltshaker. Get out of your comfort zone, enlarge your territory.” We are called to embrace change. Turn your tumultuous relationship around, heal the wounds that hold you back, dare to take a step towards your dream career. Your actions will loosen the ties that bind and will move you closer to where you are supposed to be.

8.”Your Passion is your conviction about it, your Purpose is why you do it, your Destiny is where.” Passion and purpose are joined at the hip and move together, lock-step, towards destiny. Where there is passion, connect it to your purpose. Then set your goals higher than you think humanly possible. You will find your reward.

9. “At any age you can still ignite your passion through finding your purpose!” Consider an athlete or a famous musician. They thrive in the skill that defines them, and the energy flow is seamless. We can all tap into our own inner excellence and radiate this same energy. Were you meant to counsel others? Do you have a way with numbers? As Jakes discusses, find your genuine purpose and never settle for false comfort. Ignite your passion and your purpose will reveal itself!

10. “When you know your purpose, you know what isn’t your purpose, so you can stop being distracted trying to do something that is not in the wheelhouse of what you were designed to do!” You need to find the wheelhouse of what you were called to do. T.D. Jakes calls on us to shed our toxic distractions and share our divine spark on a daily basis. He reminds us that as long as we have breath in our bodies, we have the ability to flourish.

Interior Design and Decoration

Budget Living Room Ideas: 10 Ways To Decorate Your Living Room On A Budget

living-room-kenzecares.wordpress.com

The Living Room is probably the first part of an interior  that you encounter, when  entering a house. ​The living room accomodates a plethora of activities which include entertainment, relaxation, TV viewing, inter alia. Yet when we get sick of our surroundings and need something different, it’s tough to make big changes in the context of our busy lives and small budgets. That’s when small, cheap tweaks come in handy. Everyone deserves a living room that exhumes a homely and welcoming  attitude, including you. In lieu of this, changing the face of your space isn’t  so much of a herculean task and can be achieved by some simple yet groundbreaking ideas which I would be sharing below. 

Here are 10 budget-friendly ways to change the face of your space;

1. Go Online :  Going online is a great way to get inspired on ideas for designing  a space on a low budget. Opps!!! Forgiv me you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t do this already right? Browsing would also give you a sneak peek into other people’s living rooms to get an idea of what you like, and just as importantly, what you don’t.

2. Go Green (not with envy though): Greenery is one of the best ways to liven up a space. See if one of your friends or neighbors will divide up one of their plants and give it to you, then find a vessel around the house for your new organic friend.

3. Stack Your Books: Piled books draw the eye.A stack of books adds needed color, or is a nice space-filler when you don’t want to buy pricier accessories. If shelves aren’t high enough or deep enough to accommodate oversize books, stack them on a flat surface, such as a bench or an end table.

living-room-kenzecares wordpress.com

4. Move Things Around: Get acquainted with a different part of your space by moving around your furniture. Put your desk by a window for a change, or orient your sofa towards the fireplace vs. the television for a while.

5. DIY something: Aside from the good feeling you get from making something with your hands, DIY projects are inexpensive ways to decorate. It doesn’t have to be large— even a quick no-sew pillow adds something new to a room. Pillows are relatively easy to make yourself, so choose fabrics such as velvet or silk that exude luxury. Use the expensive fabric for only one side of the pillow, the other side can be faux silk and can either contrast in color or complement. This is where you can show your personal style.

6. Paint it up: This is one of the cheapest and easiest things you can do to switch up a room. It immediately changes the mood, looks fresh, and can be done without a lot of money.A fresh lick of paint can do wonders to brighten a room. Update tired furniture, and be brave: use a color accent from your favorite piece of art that will be hung in the room and apply it to a piece of furniture to turn it into a statement. Refresh tired wooden floors and any architectural features. Do not ignore the ceiling. You can add height to your room by having a lighter tone on it.

living-room-kenzecares wordpress.com

7. Declutter: You need to strip out your living room and be ruthless as to what stays and what goes. By getting rid of excess clutter, you are immediately changing the status quo. Your tastes change as the years go by, and what may have been a cutesy ornament twenty years ago may now very well look dated.

8. Find Beauty in the Everyday: Take a look around for regular items that have special visual appeal. Whether it is your collection of boots (above), or an old kimono, displaying them in a conscious way elevates both your objects and the room.

9.Hang a Gallery of Photos: Mine your albums for your best shots (pick a theme: weddings, birthday parties, vacations) and put them in identical frames. Hang in a tight grid or a long line. You can’t go wrong if you stick to a geometric arrangement.

living-room-kenzecares wordpress.com

10. Keep it Simple: Ever heard of the statement ‘Less is more’ Yeah, it applies to interior design and decoration as well. Keep your design simple. You don’t need to throw in all your favourite colours and accessories in one space. Imagine if I served you a plate of all your foods mashed up together, wouldn’t you think I need ‘very serious’ help? So, cool it down guys. There are still other spaces in your house that can take on other colours and accessories.

Motivation, Relationship

Why  You May Need To Expand Your Network 

people-networking-kenzecares.wordpress.com
Your network is indeed your net worth. Building genuine and productive relationships that prove mutually beneficial is one of the most crucial things you can do to position yourself for growth and success. While you should never force connections or relationships, your network should always be organically and consistently growing.

Building a strong, reliable network can be a game-changer when it comes to progressing through your life and career. It is important to invest in people and relationships that are as diverse as your interests, curiosity and the opportunities you wish to attract. Fostering an authentic network can change your life, so never be afraid to fine-tune it as you see fit.

If you are unsure as to whether there is a missing link in your network puzzle, here are three signs that it might be time for expansion.

1. You see the same people.

Everywhere you go –– socially or professionally –– you never encounter fresh faces or make new introductions, because you already know everyone in the room. It is hard to make bigger and better moves when you are around the same people all the time. Change your environment and you will enhance your network.

2. You lack inspiration.

You should always surround yourself with people and things that constantly bring value, inspiration and insight. It encourages growth and development. If your environment seems to be lacking in the inspiration department, it might be a sign you need to venture out and explore new things.

3. You’re not attracting opportunity.

When you position yourself with the right people, within the right sphere, you should naturally attract opportunity. If you find that nothing really seems to be moving for you, perhaps it’s time for a new game plan with a different set of players.

The best passion you can develop is a passion for your own growth. To further shape your perspective and become connected to other individuals who share similar interests, be open to exploring different environments and experiences. Complacency can become your enemy if the desire to reach your potential begins to fade. Stay focused on the end goal and make each moment a step in the direction of your destiny.

Relationship

10 Things To Do To Have A Great First Date

So  you have that date with this folk you’ve probably never met before. Current of ideas flowing through our head and ‘what to do’ and ‘what not to do’. Confusion (or anxiety-if you prefer that term) seems to made your mind its temporary residence.Finally the hour comes. You are the agreed venue for the date. At this point you’re heart is probably giving you some nice DJ music (especially if its your first date). Now you’re wondering “OMG!!! Do I like nice? Is my hair looking good? Do I smell nice? What would be his/her first reaction when we meet face-to-face. Wollup (hold up) Dear…With all these confusion, you would probably just mess up this while thing.

Relax, you don’t need to overthink things, just keep on reading. Below are 10 tips that would help you achieve a perfect ‘first’ date night (or could it be ‘date morning or afternoon’-that would be a bit weird-night is just perfect)

Show Up Early
Showing up on time or fashionably late on your first date is a big turnoff. It shows that you didn’t care enough to plan ahead and get to the spot early. Make sure you know the quickest route to the date venue, and that you show up a few minutes early. In fact, showing up before the other person gets there is always a good idea. It puts you on strong footing, and shows your date you care about making a good impression 

Ask Questions

This doesn’t mean you should take a list of questions with you to the date, but you should have questions in mind to ask your date. These questions don’t need to be intrusive, but they should show that you’re interested in learning more about the person. Some good questions are: ‘What qualities do you look for in your friends?’ and ‘What would your best friend say about you?

 Go Easy On the Alcohol

Limit yourself to one alcoholic beverage during your date. Some people try to take the edge of their nervousness by drinking, which can lead to a buzz and disastrous conversation. And remember that your date is taking mental notes about everything you do, and if you’re slamming down cocktails, that may not gain you any brownie points.

Be Honest

One tendency on a first date is not to rock the boat, so people often give canned or safe answers to questions they are asked. But it’s always better to be honest with your opinions, though that doesn’t mean you should intentionally offend. First dates are all about making assessments, and people can tell if you’re speaking from the heart, or just giving standard responses.

No Dirty Talk

Not sure it has to be mentioned, by avoid talking about the bedroom. Unless you and your dates discover that you are freaks, this is not an appropriate topic for a first date. It’s not bold or interesting to reveal your desires to someone who is pretty much a stranger, so curb your conversation about the bedroom.

Dress Well

You don’t have to wear a tux or a suit, but don’t come in torn jeans and flip-flops either. Casual elegance is the name of the game, so show up as if you respect the person on the date and yourself. Anything ripped or stained is out, just keep business casual in mind, and you’ll be fine.

Don’t Check Your Phone

No matter how obsessed you are with your smartphone, don’t check it on your first date. If you take a call or send a text during the date, it’s a sign that you’re bored, or that you don’t respect your date enough to wait to use your phone. And frankly, unless it’s an emergency, there’s no reason to be on your phone during a date.

Smile

Another thing that sounds simple, but is often overlooked is the art of smiling. Smiling is one of the most effective ways to put your date at ease. A genuine smile shows that you’re having fun and that you’re enjoying spending time on the date. 

Avoid Going Somewhere Distracting

What’s distracting? Going on a first date to a place that’s overflowing with beautiful women and hot guys. Your goal is to focus on your date without being tempted by distractions, so going to a club filled with women in skimpy dresses and men with muscles is probably not the best idea.

Do Your Research

Chances are that your first date was generated by another encounter, or by a dating website, so you do have the opportunity to do some background intel on your date. Most people have some kind of social media presence, so going on the person’s Facebook account can yield some information that you can use to generate conversation during the date.

Relationship

5 Possible Red Flags On A First Date

First-date jitters are natural — you’ve probably thought endlessly about what you should wear, how to avoid awkward silences, and if you’re even going to like your potential match. There’s nothing wrong with being optimistic, but remember not to get too ahead of yourself, either. Even if you think things are going well, your date may be thinking just the opposite. And there’s no worse feeling than calling them a week later just to realize it’s always going straight to voicemail. So, we have a few tips to avoid the embarrassment. Watch for these 5 possible red flags on your first date.

They keep checking their phone

We all check our phones more often than we probably should, but when you’re on a date, it’s important to put your phone away and engage with the person sitting across from you. A companion who can’t put down his or her device is hinting how they feel the date is going.

Andrew Przybylski, a psychologist at the University of Essex, tells Live Science turning off your phone during a date “communicates care and compassion, and that the present moment is really important.” A date who keeps staring at their screen more than your face may be looking for some entertainment outside of you and what you may have to offer.

They don’t make eye contact

Body language often speaks louder than words. If you’re mystified as to whether or not your date is into you, take note of how often their eyes are connecting with yours. Relationship coach Toni Coleman explains on The Sideroad that good eye contact is a sure sign your date is interested in you. When your match retains eye contact, they’re relaxed, comfortable, and receptive to what you’re saying — they’re staying present in the situation and want to be there. A date who avoids eye contact is probably uncomfortable or uninterested.

If you can sense your date is shy from the moment you meet, then you’ll have to gauge their other behaviors to tell if they really like you. Someone who’s extroverted but still won’t look you in the eyes probably doesn’t want a second date.

They don’t attempt physical contact
You’re probably not expecting (or desiring) a ton of physical contact with someone you’re just getting to know, but the occasional knee brush or hand hold is to be expected. If your date makes absolutely no effort to touch you in some minor way, this is a signal that they may not be particularly interested.

You should also be wary of the date who will touch you in private but never in public, says eHarmony. This could be a sign they’re only there for a quick fling and don’t want to be associated with you in any serious way. Your date may not be the biggest fan of PDA, but holding, or at least touching, hands in public shouldn’t cause much resistance.

They’re distracted when you’re speaking
It’s frustrating when you’re speaking to a friend who clearly isn’t listening, but it’s even worse when you’re telling a story to your date who seems more interested in the wallpaper than your words. It’s a sure sign you’re not the only thing on your date’s mind. Unsure of if your date is listening or not? Business Insider says fidgeting, finger tapping, or turning their body away from you, means they’ve tuned out.

They don’t share anything personal about themselves

Dating is exciting because you get to know someone new. This is your opportunity to dig into their interests, thoughts, fears, and what makes them truly unique, so it can throw a wet blanket on the date when the other party shoves all of your questions aside. While there are certain topics you shouldn’t discuss on your first few outings together, your date should still be willing to give you some personal information, and they should be asking you questions as well.

If your partner seems lukewarm, analyze what your conversations are about. Psychology Today notes it’s easier than ever to keep in touch with just about anybody thanks to smartphones, but don’t be fooled into thinking your date really likes you just because they text you back. Think about your conversations — do they mention friends and family, or do they keep the conversation vague even after you continue to see each other? Your conversations should naturally get more personal the longer you date.

Relationship

10 Ways To Make Your Marriage Rock

Marriage they say is not  bed of roses. You have to keep working at it to make it work. Your marriage would turn out as beautiful as you make it. Trust, Understanding, Love,etc. are some of the basic ground rules that can make a marriage work. However, there are other activities that you can enagage in to make that marriage to work and rock.

1. Men need three things . Before we got married, a good friend of the family gave me HERfavorite advice and it stuck. From Dr. Laura’s bookThe Care and Feeding of Husbands, she told me men need three things: food, sex, and a girlfriend. In other words, their needs are not usually as complicated {some are, but that’s another post…}. I made sure to remember the first two often, but the “girlfriend” part is important. While you can and will be “the mom” of the house, no man wants to be married to his mom, so don’t be one to him. This thought has stopped me multiple times from turning into that naggy mom that I can be to my 3 year old all day, and causes me to see him as my boyfriend, my partner, who needs attention from me as his friend, and no one else.

2. Pray together every day . when we got home from our honeymoon, and we were settling in for the night that first night back to reality, we climbed into bed, and my sweet husband went straight to his knees. he asked if i would pray with him. that’s the man i married . Lord first, us second, everything else comes after. we rarely sleep without praying together, and that alone has been such a strength for both of us through times that have been difficult.

3. A love note board. The first year we were married, we lived at my husband’s grandpa’s house. He needed a house sitter, and we needed a place to stay. It was cheap, full of their things, and we didn’t care one bit. Love notes were all over the house, hiding in cupboards, on the bathroom mirrors… there was a lot of love there and it was obvious. I was getting to know his family through the love they literally left behind. I found a little magnet white board at target and brought it home and wrote a love note on it for him to find, and the next morning, he had changed it to put his own love note… we still use the same little white board to help build each other up. sometimes he will put a scripture, sometimes it’s a “thank you for….” and sometimes it’s a “good luck drinking all that water!” a smile a day is good for the soul, and very good for the marriage…

4. The 72 hour rule . A while back I read this article that I loved about the 72 hour rule. Yep, you guessed it. It’s sex-related. Not that I think you should be counting the hours to meet a quota, or holding each other to it, “Hey it’s been 72 hours so uh….” But it’s something to discuss and keep in mind. I don’t need to tell you the benefits here, I think you get it. Just have more sex! And be the instigator more than the receiver.

5. Men who do housework have more sex. it’s true. women, especially those who are in full custody of your children most of the hours of the day, are tired, disheveled, and down on themselves about something . i generally like myself, but i am always wishing i had more time. more time to spend with my kids, more time to spend with kids AND clean my house… so when he cleans my house, or offers to make dinner, it’s mom porn. and he knows it.
husbands. you know what she would love??
a super hot and sexy clean house. Try it. she’ll thank you for it.

6. The 15 second kiss . i know you are thinking, “so it’s all about sex with you, huh?” no. {well…}this one we just started recently and it might even be my favorite. we read this sweet article recently on a marriage blog and i loved the idea of reconnecting daily. there are days when we come home, make dinner, often side-by-side, tidy up, hose down the kids, and once they get in bed, we flop on the couch and realize we haven’t even said “hi” yet! after i told him about the 15 second kiss, he grabbed me and kissed me for a good 15 seconds. it was sweet, not intended for anything other than that, but it does cause a reconnect. the whirlwind of the day comes to a hault and the phones get set aside, the tv stays off longer, and we remember what’s important in this crazy life. try it. it’s another smile a day… see #3 above. so easy to do, and brings us back home every time.

7. Give each other “me time” .  Everyone, regardless of what it looks like, needs down time. In my husband’s case, I know he needs time every night to do nothing but sit and watch a show. It’s his favorite part of the day, the power-down. it’s what he needs to de-stress and to relax. Not all men are created equal of course, some men need to get out of the house, some need the other guys… but they need their “time” whatever that is for them. What I need? Thirty bucks and a tap on the butt to go get a pedicure for no reason… same concept. {hint hint…}

8. Speak kind words. We were friends with a couple that whenever he turned his back, she was saying awful things about him. It was super awkward for us, and made us wonder how that worked for them. He was constantly saying how amazing she was: gorgeous, talented, and such a hard worker… She was always telling us what he can’t do, what he doesn’t do for her… it was heartbreaking. I love hearing from my husband’s co-workers what they have “heard about me”. It’s proof he speaks well of me and reminds me to do the same.

9. Brag don’t rag . Without fail, every time we have a girls’ night and the girls and I are up laughing about who knows what… it always comes back to “men always…” or “mine does that too!” we laugh a bit about the silly things they say or do, but in reality, mine doesn’t. My husband has never once said the words, “Gosh, I wish you could actually clean the house!” and he’s never once said, “So what did you do all day??” He respects my role here at home and my efforts to bring in extra bacon. And he knows it’s hard. {Besides that I am constantly reminding him it is…} He knows that it is nearly impossible to do it all and chooses to come home and help rather than say anything negative. Smart choice, by the way. {see #5} Whenever he begins a thought with “Can I just say something…?” I am always bracing myself, sure it will be the time he tells me to get my act together and be better and clean the freakin house and don’t look so nasty when I get home please!… but it is ALWAYS to tell me how great of a mom he thinks I am. When he treats me like a 10, I feel like one. And it makes me try harder at all those things.

10. Planned dates . i know you’ve heard this one, but now, more than ever, we are learning this is vital. a planned outing, actually without kids, and some time to not just talk about kids, is necessary. necessary because remember #1? he needs a girlfriend. he doesn’t have a girlfriend if you’re not dating! so get a sitter if you have to, call and ask him out {or send an evite} , but go on a real, “i have a plan and i know where i am going to take you tonight” date. there, i said it. and yes, i know it’s easier said than done…

Source: bigredclifford.com

Motivation, Relationship

About Being Persistent: How To Be Persistent.

persistent-man-kenzecares.blogspot.com
There are times that you shouldn’t be persistent. For instance, when that guy or girl clearly doesn’t like you and has told you no two or three times when you ask them out, then it’s time to give up and move on. If you are too persistent in that case, you could get slapped with a restraining order! But, in most cases, persistence is something that can pay off for you in your career, health, relationships, and happiness. Before you go off committing to everything in your life, you need to know a few things about being persistent that will help you make the most out of your determination.

1. Negative Emotions Can Arise Unless You Are Laid Back

Highly persistent people tend to have better health and happiness overall, but research published in the Journal of Affective Disorders shows that they can also have more negative emotions and anxiety than people who are not highly persistent, especially if they are not laid back and tolerant of failure, difficulty, or setbacks.

Highly persistent and laid back don’t seem like they should go together, but if you want to avoid the negative emotions from arising, you may want to work on being more laid back in life. Negative emotions and anxiety can take their toll on your heart, digestion, sexual organs, and brain, so it is important to find a way to chill out and become more laid back if you want to be persistent in your life.

How can you be a more laid back person?

  • Find the humor in everything. When you can see the humor, you are more likely to laugh things off instead of feeling angry or hurt.
  • Become more playful. When you are playful, you approach everything in life with a playful attitude rather than a serious and ‘adult’ attitude. This can help you be more at ease when things go wrong.
  • Be joyful in everything you do. Find delight in every activity and the very fact that you are experiencing things in life, both good and bad. If you can find joy in the simple fact that you are alive, then your tension will melt away and life will become much more fun.
  • Develop a positive mindset. When you become optimistic about life, you reduce tension and become much more laid back. Being hopeful and confident in what is to come will help you make the most of today.
  • Believe in yourself. Negative emotions such as being ashamed, nervous, and upset can arise from not having faith in yourself or beating yourself up. Start believing in yourself and your ability to succeed, and you will help alleviate those emotions and be much more laid back.

2. Take Out Time To Reenergize

A lot of people think that being persistent means you have to work 7 days a week from morning to night on what you want to achieve. But, that is the worst way to maintain your persistence in life. It is, however, the quickest way to experience burnout! While it would be nice to have the energy of a battery operated bunny, we are human, and we need some downtime to reenergize and get back on track.

If you don’t take the time to reenergize, then you will start to produce less than desirable results. You won’t be on your game. You won’t be able to concentrate, find solutions, and be creative as well as you could when you are fully charged and ready to go.

You use up a lot of energy when you are being persistent. You need to use physical energy to get you where you want to go and keep you awake. You also need to use it if you are working on health goals or are in a physically demanding job. You need to use mental energy to make decisions, focus, be creative, listen, talk, learn, teach, use willpower, deal with hard things, and stay committed. You use mental energy in almost everything you do!

So, how can you keep your energy up high?

  •  Take care of your body. Exercise and nutrition have a big impact on your body’s health and its energy. If you are not taking care of yourself and feeding it what it needs or giving it the exercise that it needs, you will feel less energetic, more often.
  •  Keep your blood sugar steady for mental health. Your brain uses glucose to do its job, so when your blood sugar is low, your brain doesn’t have the energy it needs to perform properly. That’s not a good thing when you are focused on being persistent.
  •  Don’t dwell on things. It uses up a lot of mental energy that could be spent on being persistent. This includes things about past things that have gone wrong, not forgiving people and situations, and taking a long time to make decisions. You want to let go of those past things that are using up a lot of your energy and figure out a system to make decisions quickly and with the least amount of mental thought possible.
  • Work with your body’s natural ebb and flow of energy in the day. For most people, energy peaks in the middle of the morning and drops in the afternoon, followed by another peak in the early hours of the evening. If you can harness the times when you are most energetic to do the things that you need to be persistent with, then your energy will be used efficiently, and you can recharge during the down times with a nap or by focusing on things that don’t require a lot of energy.
  • Take days off. While being persistent can lead to a lot of health and happiness rewards, taking days off to do fun or relaxing things can help you recharge and maintain the energy needed to be persistent. For instance, most people have the weekend off from their job and should use that time to fill up their soul with laughter, fun, and new experiences. With that kind of recharge, energy will be ready and waiting on Monday morning.

3. Persistence Aids Talent

There are plenty of talented people who are not having any success in life. They simply can’t master the art of persistence, and because of that, their talent is not used in a way that benefits their life. This is important to remember as other people try to tell you what you can and cannot do.

If you want something, then persistence is the key to success. If you know you can get it, and you want it bad enough, your efforts are likely going to pay off. But, you need to stay persistent despite the people giving you the dirty looks or yelling in your ear that you can’t or shouldn’t.

So, how can you ignore the haters and keep going?

  • Remind yourself of how great you are every morning and every step of the way. Your self-confidence and self-worth will shut out anyone’s negativity.
  • Celebrate your successes with a passion. Even small successes will help you maintain that level of motivation to say persistent and get what you want.
    eople-standing-on-mountain-kenzecares.blogspot.com
    Photo Credit: Dreamstime Stock Photos

4. Being Persistent May Not Pay Off For Some Goals

Have you ever heard the famous Kenny Rogers song The Gambler? In it, he sings, ‘You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.’ This is something you should keep in the back of your mind as you go after a goal you are trying to achieve. Sometimes you have to walk away and sometimes you have to run!

The truth is that sometimes you have to shift your goals in life. Just like when it comes to dating, not everything and everyone is going to work in your favor. Other people and circumstances play a part in your ability to achieve what you want, and sometimes you just can’t develop the ability to do something, no matter how hard you try.

We all have strengths and weakness, and sometimes people persistently try to make their weaknesses better to no avail. I think life is too short to try to make ourselves great at something we just can’t master, and we should focus on using our strengths instead.

So, when should you stop being persistent on one goal?

  • When your goals conflict with your natural ebb and flow. You may want to get up at 5 in the morning to go for a run and get started earlier on your day, but if your body is not able to adjust to the lack of the sleep, then you are going to suffer during your day from fatigue and a reduction in productivity. I know, I tried to develop this goal for a long time with no luck. Your energy will be drained and you will be unable to maintain your persistence and your productivity will suffer.
  • When you are getting no results. Getting no results is a sign that something is wrong and you need to tweak your plan or goal a bit. For instance, if you spend months eating a particular diet and exercising, but are not getting the results you want, then it may be time to tweak what you are doing. Even though every guru says that it is the only diet that works, it may not work for you while something else will. You are unique, and you have your own path in life, so even if it works for everyone else, recognize when it is just not working for you

5. Persistence and Motivation Work Together         

You may think that working towards a certain career is what you should do, but is it what you want to do? If it’s not, then you are going to lack motivation, and you will have a hard time being persistent!

Motivation comes from a longing to have or achieve something. It gives you the energy you need to move forward and helps you stay committed in times of disappointment. In short, if you are not motivated, you will not be persistent, or you will have a VERY hard time being persistent, which will eventually wear you out.

To find motivation, you need to do a few things.

  • Work on the things you resonate with. Don’t go after something because you feel like you should go after it. Instead, do what resonates with you as exciting, rewarding, and fulfilling.
  •  Figure out what motivates you. It might be giving your family a better life or being around for a longer time. There are reasons that you want to achieve more success, improve your health, and be happier, and those specific reasons are going to remind you why you need to be persistent when you don’t feel like going on.
  •  Share your intentions. When you tell a bunch of people what you intend to do, it’s less likely you will want to give up. Being accountable to others boosts your motivation simply because you don’t want to let them down or be viewed as a failure.
  • Make short-term goals. It’s hard to maintain motivation for years. But, if you make short-term goals, such as weekly goals or even daily goals that help you reach your long-term goals, then you will feel like you are having much more success and stay motivated to be persistent in your actions.

Keep in mind that balance is key to everything we do in life.

Motivation, Relationship

Why You Need To Shut Some Doors

Although it may be hard to believe when we are in the midst of struggle, our deepest pain is the catalyst for our transformation. Yet, healing and growth are not possible if the door is still open to those people and experiences that chip away at your peace.

Are you still allowing people and things that hurt you into your life? Truthfully, we cannot rebuke a devil that we continually grant access to our lives. You know that you don’t want to live in drama, for example, yet pick up the phone when that friend calls. He promised he would never put you down again, yet you’ve turned the other cheek so much your head is spinning.Protection of ourselves, and our core, is critical.

Psychologists have found that slipping into patterns of self-sabotage happens all too easily.  In fact, whether it’s sticking to a health plan, quitting smoking, or removing ourselves from a toxic relationship, 80-90% of us will slide back to what feels familiar.

Yet, researchers have found that we can use what they call “if-then plans” to change our unhealthy emotional patterns.  Simply by thinking, or even writing down, “If (stressor/obstacle) arises, then I will (respond in this way)” gives us a concrete way out. Reframing these stressors will allow us to cut toxic people and situations out of our lives for good.

It’s been said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Closing the door to what hurts you stops this cycle. Finding the strength to cut people out of our lives does not mean we hate them, but rather that we are striving to build up our respect for ourselves .  We will no longer stand in the way of our own healing and growth.

The roadblocks and stop signs are up–this road is finally closed.