“Thank you for applying for this job but……” A lot of job seekers would be very familiar with this line, I guess. You know these days, you really do not need to open an email before you know whether or not your interview/test was successful. Once you check the preview and it starts with a line like that, most often than not, the news is always a negative one. This kind of situation has led many folks to the point of feeling rejected, which most times snowballs into depression. The fear of being rejected has made so many people lose vital opportunities.
Truthfully, if you live long enough, you would get rejected at some point in your life. So, you have to accept the fact that not everyone would accept you for who you are or what you want. The feeling of rejection could come from different channels. It could come from your workplace, family or even friends. Some people who are divorced today walked out of their marriages simply because they felt rejected by their spouse. Don’t let the feeling of rejection keep you out of the game. We have all heard the success stories of Oprah, Bill Gates, JK Rowling, Michael Jordan, Madonna and a host of other celebrities or public figures who have sold millions over the last few years. It is a given that each one of these individuals all have success in common but did you know they also share one other common denominator? REJECTION!
– Oprah was fired from her job in television.
– Soichiro Honda was turned down from an engineering job in toyota
– Bill Gates was rejected by IBM.
– JK Rowling was denied by several book publishers.
– Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
– Madonna was rejected by a movie producer.
How you handle rejection has the power to determine your destiny. Each one of these individuals could have chosen to live in defeat after their rejections; however, they chose to do what very few people do. They chose to keep going because they realized that if the worst had already happened, only the best was yet to come.
Rejection may just be the injection for your projection
Want to learn how you can turn your rejection into a life changing experience? Here are 5 ways you can use rejection to propel you to your destiny:
1. Refuse to Stop Pressing Forward: Never back down on the urge to press forward. Whatever you find yourself doing, press at it. People may mock you, scorn you etc. Take that as a propelling force and move forward.
2. Ignore Negativity: In today’s world, its almost easier to hear negativity than it is to hear positivity. This is one reason why you have to careful who you surround yourself with. You should learn to surround yourself with positive people, ‘cos I tell you, there’s a whole lot you can achieve with the positive vibe around you.
3. Refuse To Be Defined By Your No’s: Do you know that you can control what you do about your feelings? You may not be able to stop a few people from telling you ‘No’ but you can decide not to allow the ‘No’ stop you from doing what you have to do. If you get a ‘No’ at point A, keep moving till you get your YES. Your ‘YES’ may be yet to come but it will surely come.
4. Accept Rejection as God’s Protection: Difficult as it may be to accept, sometimes God allows us go through some pain at some point because He has a better plan.No pain No gain! In other words, rejection is not always a negative phenomenon. It may just be part of a larger picture that you’re not seeing. Ask the girl who is happily married today, who could have ended with the wrong guy, had he not told her ‘NO’.
5. Don’t Sweat What You Can’t Control: You know I’ve learnt to live the ‘Let-go’ life and it has been an awesome experience. You should try it. Folks, there are some things that you just cant change. When you are faced with a situation, give it all you can and when it doesnt seem to go your way, take the lessons from the class and move on. Its not that hard. It may be painful. It may hurt to move on, but you would surely find strength in your pain.
As we draw the curtain on 2017, I’ve taken time to reflect on this year, vis-a-vis my successes (gains) and failures (mistakes). This has led me to think through what has been my motivation through the months.
Words they say, never fade away. They last a lifetime. Even the Holy Bible says heaven and earth will pass away but God’s word will remain the same. Against this backdrop, I’ll like to share a few quotes that have kept me going and focused as well as helped me overcome certain obstacles I’ve had to face. These few positive and motivational quotes have been my inspiration and have guided as well as guarded my thoughts over the years. Sharing they say is caring. Thus, here are a few life quotes that would be helpful to you in 2018;
*The true measure of your character is what you do when you think you would never be found out.
*You are most likely to act yourself into feeling than feel yourself into action.
*A life in which anything goes will ultimately be a life in which nothing goes.
*The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
*Efficiency is the foundation for survival. Effectiveness is the foundation for success.
*There is a world of difference between a person who has a big problem and a person who makes a problem big.
*Love people more than procedures. Realize that people are your most valuable assets.
*The reason most goals are not achieved is because we often spend our time doing second things first.
*The greatest mistake a person can make is to be afraid of making one.
*Integrity is not what we do so much as who we are.
*We cannot become what we need to be by remaining the way we are.
*Too many people are ready to assert their rights and not their responsibilites.
*If people understand you, you’ll get their attention, if they trust you, you’ll get their action
*You may not have power over all that happens in your life but you have the power to determine how you react to what happens in your life. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.
*People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
*People’s minds are changed through observation, not argument. People do what people see.
*Your words will tell people what you think but your actions will tell them what you believe.
*Faith in God does not mean you deny reality but that you do not accept reality as finality. God’s word is stronger than reality.
*Problems can stop you temporarily. You are the only one who can do it permanently.
*What really counts is not what happens to me but what happens in me.
*If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain.
*Positive thinking does not always change our circumstance but it will always change us.
*Focus more on helping people solve their problems and less on solving people’s problems.
*Decide what to do and do it. Decide what not to do and don’t do it.
*The more you change, the more you become an instrument of change in people’s lives.
*Pay now, play later or Play now and pay later. The choice is yours.
*Having it all doesn’t mean having it all at once.
*We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing. Others judge us by what we have already done.
*Very often, we see things not as they are but through the lens of who we are.
*Do not despise the days of your small beginnings.
*Learn to live the Let-go life.
I’ll end this article with this humorous story;
” After World War II, a general and his young lieutenant boarded a train in England. The only seats left were across from a beautiful young lady and her grandmother. The general and the lieutenant sat facing the women. As the train pulled out, it went through a dark tunnel. For about ten seconds there was total darkness. In the silence of the moment, two sounds were heard- a kiss and a slap. Now, everyone had his or her perception of what had transpired.
The Grandmother thought to herself, “I’m angry that the young man kissed my daughter but I’m happy that she retaliated.”
The Young Lady said to herself “I’m flattered that the General would kiss me but I’m a bit embarassed that Grandmother would slap him.”
The General sat there thinking to himself “My lieutenant showed a lot of courage in kissing that girl but why did she slap me by mistake?”
The lieutenant was the only one who knew what truly went down. In the brief moment of darkness, he kissed a girl and slapped a general.
Moral of the story: Things are not always we think they are.
To everyone reading this, I wish you a Blessed and Favoured New Year in advance.
“Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
This insight is universal because it reminds us that the people in our lives are dealing with their own hardships; that they have their own pain to process.Even with a sage reminder like this, why is it that we only see our own distress when in the middle of hard times? Why do we feel that we have a monopoly on pain?
We first must understand why we become more self-centered in times of anxiety. A recent study found that troubled feelings increase our reliance on egocentric thinking–meaning that we stop seeing other’s perspectives while distressed. We become more self-centered when experiencing unhappy circumstances and this causes us to only see our own agonies because of our agitated, single-focused minds.
Our selfishness is bound to be apparent to others as well. One study has shown that patients who used more first-person pronouns (I and me) during therapy sessions had a higher incidence of depression while other research found that people suffering from social anxiety manifest more exaggerated self-attention. Once we understand the physiological reason behind our selfishness and how it negatively affects us, we have to start combating it.
One way we can minimize our monopoly on pain is to
listen. Many times we assume we know someone’s struggle without hearing the whole story but we are really just filling in the blanks with our own experiences. If we commit to pausing our assumptions and listening, we can start to see perspectives outside our own.
Another way is to begin practicing empathy. It is hard when our brains are set on only seeing the narrow scope of our experiences but if we attempt to put ourselves in another’s shoes, we will begin to empathize with them and their troubles. It is difficult when it feels all life’s troubles are aimed solely at us but that feeling isn’t accurate. We must look past our personal pain and see that we are all fighting our own battles and then we’ll gain enough mutual understanding to join forces.
At the end of the day, no one really cares about what award you won, how much money you made, what you spent on your car, how many politicians you know, how great your hair looks, or what grades you got. What they will care about is how good you made them feel, and trust me when I say that self-centered people rarely make people feel good.
Burden. Overload. Stress. Do these words describe the way you feel about life? If that’s the case, I want you to know you’re not alone. And with God’s help, you can change your outlook and overcome your situation. No matter what’s going on around you, you can have a life in Christ filled with peace and joy.
1. Say something positive. If you constantly feel overwhelmed or under stress and you can’t pinpoint the exact reason, start making some Biblical daily confessions. Rather than getting up each day, talking about how bad things are, begin each day declaring God’s Word and His promises over your life. I am more than a conqueror! (Romans 8:37) God will provide for my every need! (Matthew 6:26) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (Philippians 4:13)
2. Fine-tune your budget. If your finances are a source of constant stress in your life, decide to start a budget (or reevaluate your current budget). What is something practical you can do to solve the problem? Cut an expense that is a luxury but not a necessity. Look for a new way to make some additional money. Ask someone who is good with finances to take a look at your budget and give you some suggestions.
3. Do something surprising. If there is someone who is driving up your stress levels by constantly hurting your feelings, do something nice for them—send them a kind note, buy them lunch, tell them something you appreciate about them, or begin praying for them on a regular basis. By doing these little things you are taking steps of faith and obeying God’s command to love your enemies.
4. Upgrade your energy level. If a nagging health problem is leaving you feeling stressed out and run down, start an exercise routine. No more excuses. Set aside time each day to get the exercise and care your body desperately needs. Rather than making excuses, make a plan…and stick to it. You may think that you simply don’t have the energy to exercise. You feel too bad, or you’re too tired. But I often find when I go ahead and begin to exercise that I start to feel better. Exercise takes energy, but it gives you back more energy than it takes!
5. Get out of your rut. If the demands of work are overwhelming and causing you to feel overloaded, do something about it. Delegate some tasks, reevaluate your systems or talk to your boss. (Your boss may not even realize how much you are doing or how it is negatively affecting your personal life.) Instead of complaining how overworked you are, look for ways to be more efficient and how to make the most of your time each day.
These are just a few examples, but as you can see, there are so many ways you can step out in faith in order to live the life Jesus died to give you.
“ Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.” says T.D Jakes.
Although it may be hard to believe when we are in the midst of struggle, our deepest pain is the catalyst for our transformation.Yet, healing and growth are not possible if the door is still open to those people and experiences that chip away at your peace.
Are you still allowing people and things that hurt you into your life? Truthfully, we cannot rebuke a devil that we continually grant access to our lives. You know that you don’t want to live in drama, for example, yet pick up the phone when that friend calls. He promised he would never put you down again, yet you’ve turned the other cheek so much your head is spinning.
Protection of ourselves, and our core, is critical. Psychologists have found that slipping into patterns of self-sabotage happens all too easily. In fact, whether it’s sticking to a health plan, quitting smoking, or removing ourselves from a toxic relationship, 80-90% of us will slide back to what feels familiar and comfortable. We generally do not want to step out of our comfort zone, yet just like a young woman said:
Conviction and Comfort don’t live on the same block.
Yet, researchers have found that we can use what they call “if-then plans” to change our unhealthy emotional patterns. Simply by thinking, or even writing down, “If (stressor/obstacle) arises, then I will (respond in this way)” gives us a concrete way out. Reframing these stressors will allow us to cut toxic people and situations out of our lives for good.
It’s been said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Closing the door to what hurts you stops this cycle.
Finding the strength to cut people out of our lives does not mean we hate them, but rather that we are striving to build up our respect for ourselves . We will no longer stand in the way of our own healing and growth. The roadblocks and stop signs are up–this road is finally closed.
Forgive people when they hurt you but also learn from the experience.
Complaining is dangerous . It can damage or even destroy your relationship with God, your relationships with other people, and even with your relationship with yourself. It’s easy to complain. We likely don’t realize how much we do it. I believe it’s one of the most challenging things to overcome.Philippians 2:14 says, Do all things without grumbling and faultfinding and complaining…. That’s a pretty clear command. And not something anyone can do in their own way
Like I said before, it’s easy to complain. There are many things that happen every day that we could murmur about. But they really aren’t worth the effort it takes to get upset and gripe about it. For example, we travel a lot and stay in a lot of hotels. I like to take a hot bath to relax before speaking at our conferences. Once when I went to fix my bath, I discovered there was no hot water. So I called the front desk to see about getting hot , but they weren’t able to fix the problem when I needed them to. And later, I learned that my room was the only room in the hotel that didn’t have hot water!
Now, I could have gotten all upset about this at the time. But God helped me to relax about it and resist the temptation to get upset. And the truth is, complaining wouldn’t have changed anything – it would have just made the situation harder.
Complaining comes from an ungrateful, prideful attitude of the heart. It causes us to feel that we shouldn’t be inconvenienced or have bad things happen to us. The truth is, I’ve done most of my spiritual growing during the hardest and most painful times of my life. The trials of life have caused me to press in to God. And as I’ve done that, He’s changed me. He’s helped me to develop an attitude of gratitude and humility, which has brought real freedom into my life.
Make it your goal to have a constant attitude of gratitude. Resist the temptation to complain and instead praise and thank God for who He is and all He’s done for you. By God’s grace and through His strength, you can overcome complaining and live each day with a thankful heart!
According to World Report, over 70% of people land jobs through networking. Networking is key to advancing your career or business. When done correctly, it can result in a new position, contract or worthwhile business deal.
On the other hand, when done ineffectively, though, it can lead to wasted time or –– far worse –– a bad first impression. At the core of good networking is effective relationship building, which means fostering meaningful conversations and focusing on the person to whom you are speaking. In turn, you’ll have the opportunity to share who you are and, in the process, uncover potential opportunities. Take your networking to the next level by avoiding these common mistakes people make when attempting to build their networks. 1. Don’t Wait To Be Approached Avoid playing shy. You might not usually approach strangers, but networking events provide the perfect cover for you to initiate a conversation. Start by asking open-ended questions like, “What do you enjoy most about X?” or “Why did you get involved with Y?” And don’t let the conversation stop at the event. Instead, follow up, because most people won’t. Send a quick email thanking your new contact, and if you’re looking to meet up again, mention it then. 2. Don’t Be Inauthentic Avoid superficial conversations by cultivating curiousity. The wider your range of interests, the more capable you’ll be of staying true to yourself while allowing the conversation to go where it may. The best way to appear interesting is to be interesting. Conversations will only get awkward once you begin overthinking and stepping outside yourself. 3. Don’t Be Self-Centered Avoid framing every interaction in terms of how you might benefit. Instead, look at the initial conversation as the start of a relationship that you’ll need to water to grow. The fruits of networking sometimes take several seasons to develop. Be faithful in cultivating authentic relationships centered around mutual interests.
Life as we know it is not a bed of roses. We must constantly encourage ourselves and push for greatness. Sometimes, we get to some points where we feel like we can’t go further than this, but if there’s one thing you should know, it is ‘While you’re still breathing, never ever give up’. Let these quotes from T.D Jakes further inspire you to be a better version of yourself.
1. “Don’t stop at where you are as if it were the destination, when in fact, in reality, it may be the transportation that brings you into that thing you were created to do.” Our current circumstances should never limit us from reaching our true potential. We must turn our struggles into the vehicles that spur our transformation.
2. “Everything you’ve gone through is preparation for what’s about to happen in your life. The LORD has already given you a word, MOVE!” When we “move,” we bring about the growth we desire. Tragedy hasn’t stopped you, heartbreak didn’t defeat you, failure does not define you; use this hard-earned wisdom to grasp your purpose and shape your future.
3. “We need to be who we were called to be instead of contorting ourselves into what other people want us to be!” The surest way to lose yourself is to focus on other people’s voice instead of your own. Jakes calls on us to walk into our destiny and embrace our true purpose in life. Stop conforming!
4. “It is time for us to find the thing we were created to do, the people we were meant to affect, and the power that comes from alignment with purpose.” This powerful quote from his book, “Instinct: The Power to Unleash Your Inborn Drive ,” speaks to the clarity to be gained from the search for our truth. If you are in a job that drains you, it’s time to galvanize your forces and take the necessary steps to move on. The road will be taxing, but the promise of fulfilling your true purpose will fortify your conviction.
5. “Here is the problem with how many people approach the question of purpose: Many are looking outside of themselves for their purpose, destiny, or meaning in life. The very key to knowing your purpose is discovering and celebrating your personal identity.” Purpose resides in us; we must be directors in the script of our lives. In his work “Identity: Discover Who You Are and Live A Life Of Purpose,” T.D. Jakes reminds us that as you get to know more about yourself –– your likes, dislikes, values and triggers –– you will have a greater sense of whether or not the life you lead suits you. Life’s noise can be deafening; when is the last time you sat in complete silence and listened for the messages from your heart?
6. “God is about to plant you in a big thing. Your eyes have not seen, your ears have not heard, neither has entered into your heart what God has in store for you!” From his electric sermon, “The Starving Prince,” from The Potter’s House Sunday service, Jakes challenges us to believe in our purpose. The “big thing” we were meant to do is coming! As you search for your true purpose in life, do not waver in your faith to overcome your current adversity.
7. “If we are called to be the salt of the earth, we have to get out of the saltshaker. Get out of your comfort zone, enlarge your territory.” We are called to embrace change. Turn your tumultuous relationship around, heal the wounds that hold you back, dare to take a step towards your dream career. Your actions will loosen the ties that bind and will move you closer to where you are supposed to be.
8.”Your Passion is your conviction about it, your Purpose is why you do it, your Destiny is where.” Passion and purpose are joined at the hip and move together, lock-step, towards destiny. Where there is passion, connect it to your purpose. Then set your goals higher than you think humanly possible. You will find your reward.
9. “At any age you can still ignite your passion through finding your purpose!” Consider an athlete or a famous musician. They thrive in the skill that defines them, and the energy flow is seamless. We can all tap into our own inner excellence and radiate this same energy. Were you meant to counsel others? Do you have a way with numbers? As Jakes discusses, find your genuine purpose and never settle for false comfort. Ignite your passion and your purpose will reveal itself!
10. “When you know your purpose, you know what isn’t your purpose, so you can stop being distracted trying to do something that is not in the wheelhouse of what you were designed to do!” You need to find the wheelhouse of what you were called to do. T.D. Jakes calls on us to shed our toxic distractions and share our divine spark on a daily basis. He reminds us that as long as we have breath in our bodies, we have the ability to flourish.
Your network is indeed your net worth. Building genuine and productive relationships that prove mutually beneficial is one of the most crucial things you can do to position yourself for growth and success. While you should never force connections or relationships, your network should always be organically and consistently growing.
Building a strong, reliable network can be a game-changer when it comes to progressing through your life and career. It is important to invest in people and relationships that are as diverse as your interests, curiosity and the opportunities you wish to attract. Fostering an authentic network can change your life, so never be afraid to fine-tune it as you see fit.
If you are unsure as to whether there is a missing link in your network puzzle, here are three signs that it might be time for expansion.
1. You see the same people.
Everywhere you go –– socially or professionally –– you never encounter fresh faces or make new introductions, because you already know everyone in the room. It is hard to make bigger and better moves when you are around the same people all the time. Change your environment and you will enhance your network.
2. You lack inspiration.
You should always surround yourself with people and things that constantly bring value, inspiration and insight. It encourages growth and development. If your environment seems to be lacking in the inspiration department, it might be a sign you need to venture out and explore new things.
3. You’re not attracting opportunity.
When you position yourself with the right people, within the right sphere, you should naturally attract opportunity. If you find that nothing really seems to be moving for you, perhaps it’s time for a new game plan with a different set of players.
The best passion you can develop is a passion for your own growth. To further shape your perspective and become connected to other individuals who share similar interests, be open to exploring different environments and experiences. Complacency can become your enemy if the desire to reach your potential begins to fade. Stay focused on the end goal and make each moment a step in the direction of your destiny.
There are times that you shouldn’t be persistent. For instance, when that guy or girl clearly doesn’t like you and has told you no two or three times when you ask them out, then it’s time to give up and move on. If you are too persistent in that case, you could get slapped with a restraining order! But, in most cases, persistence is something that can pay off for you in your career, health, relationships, and happiness. Before you go off committing to everything in your life, you need to know a few things about being persistent that will help you make the most out of your determination.
1. Negative Emotions Can Arise Unless You Are Laid Back
Highly persistent people tend to have better health and happiness overall, but research published in the Journal of Affective Disorders shows that they can also have more negative emotions and anxiety than people who are not highly persistent, especially if they are not laid back and tolerant of failure, difficulty, or setbacks.
Highly persistent and laid back don’t seem like they should go together, but if you want to avoid the negative emotions from arising, you may want to work on being more laid back in life. Negative emotions and anxiety can take their toll on your heart, digestion, sexual organs, and brain, so it is important to find a way to chill out and become more laid back if you want to be persistent in your life.
How can you be a more laid back person?
Find the humor in everything. When you can see the humor, you are more likely to laugh things off instead of feeling angry or hurt.
Become more playful. When you are playful, you approach everything in life with a playful attitude rather than a serious and ‘adult’ attitude. This can help you be more at ease when things go wrong.
Be joyful in everything you do. Find delight in every activity and the very fact that you are experiencing things in life, both good and bad. If you can find joy in the simple fact that you are alive, then your tension will melt away and life will become much more fun.
Develop a positive mindset. When you become optimistic about life, you reduce tension and become much more laid back. Being hopeful and confident in what is to come will help you make the most of today.
Believe in yourself. Negative emotions such as being ashamed, nervous, and upset can arise from not having faith in yourself or beating yourself up. Start believing in yourself and your ability to succeed, and you will help alleviate those emotions and be much more laid back.
2. Take Out Time To Reenergize
A lot of people think that being persistent means you have to work 7 days a week from morning to night on what you want to achieve. But, that is the worst way to maintain your persistence in life. It is, however, the quickest way to experience burnout! While it would be nice to have the energy of a battery operated bunny, we are human, and we need some downtime to reenergize and get back on track.
If you don’t take the time to reenergize, then you will start to produce less than desirable results. You won’t be on your game. You won’t be able to concentrate, find solutions, and be creative as well as you could when you are fully charged and ready to go.
You use up a lot of energy when you are being persistent. You need to use physical energy to get you where you want to go and keep you awake. You also need to use it if you are working on health goals or are in a physically demanding job. You need to use mental energy to make decisions, focus, be creative, listen, talk, learn, teach, use willpower, deal with hard things, and stay committed. You use mental energy in almost everything you do!
So, how can you keep your energy up high?
Take care of your body. Exercise and nutrition have a big impact on your body’s health and its energy. If you are not taking care of yourself and feeding it what it needs or giving it the exercise that it needs, you will feel less energetic, more often.
Keep your blood sugar steady for mental health. Your brain uses glucose to do its job, so when your blood sugar is low, your brain doesn’t have the energy it needs to perform properly. That’s not a good thing when you are focused on being persistent.
Don’t dwell on things. It uses up a lot of mental energy that could be spent on being persistent. This includes things about past things that have gone wrong, not forgiving people and situations, and taking a long time to make decisions. You want to let go of those past things that are using up a lot of your energy and figure out a system to make decisions quickly and with the least amount of mental thought possible.
Work with your body’s natural ebb and flow of energy in the day. For most people, energy peaks in the middle of the morning and drops in the afternoon, followed by another peak in the early hours of the evening. If you can harness the times when you are most energetic to do the things that you need to be persistent with, then your energy will be used efficiently, and you can recharge during the down times with a nap or by focusing on things that don’t require a lot of energy.
Take days off. While being persistent can lead to a lot of health and happiness rewards, taking days off to do fun or relaxing things can help you recharge and maintain the energy needed to be persistent. For instance, most people have the weekend off from their job and should use that time to fill up their soul with laughter, fun, and new experiences. With that kind of recharge, energy will be ready and waiting on Monday morning.
3. Persistence Aids Talent
There are plenty of talented people who are not having any success in life. They simply can’t master the art of persistence, and because of that, their talent is not used in a way that benefits their life. This is important to remember as other people try to tell you what you can and cannot do.
If you want something, then persistence is the key to success. If you know you can get it, and you want it bad enough, your efforts are likely going to pay off. But, you need to stay persistent despite the people giving you the dirty looks or yelling in your ear that you can’t or shouldn’t.
So, how can you ignore the haters and keep going?
Remind yourself of how great you are every morning and every step of the way. Your self-confidence and self-worth will shut out anyone’s negativity.
Celebrate your successes with a passion. Even small successes will help you maintain that level of motivation to say persistent and get what you want.
4. Being Persistent May Not Pay Off For Some Goals
Have you ever heard the famous Kenny Rogers song The Gambler? In it, he sings, ‘You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.’ This is something you should keep in the back of your mind as you go after a goal you are trying to achieve. Sometimes you have to walk away and sometimes you have to run!
The truth is that sometimes you have to shift your goals in life. Just like when it comes to dating, not everything and everyone is going to work in your favor. Other people and circumstances play a part in your ability to achieve what you want, and sometimes you just can’t develop the ability to do something, no matter how hard you try.
We all have strengths and weakness, and sometimes people persistently try to make their weaknesses better to no avail. I think life is too short to try to make ourselves great at something we just can’t master, and we should focus on using our strengths instead.
So, when should you stop being persistent on one goal?
When your goals conflict with your natural ebb and flow. You may want to get up at 5 in the morning to go for a run and get started earlier on your day, but if your body is not able to adjust to the lack of the sleep, then you are going to suffer during your day from fatigue and a reduction in productivity. I know, I tried to develop this goal for a long time with no luck. Your energy will be drained and you will be unable to maintain your persistence and your productivity will suffer.
When you are getting no results. Getting no results is a sign that something is wrong and you need to tweak your plan or goal a bit. For instance, if you spend months eating a particular diet and exercising, but are not getting the results you want, then it may be time to tweak what you are doing. Even though every guru says that it is the only diet that works, it may not work for you while something else will. You are unique, and you have your own path in life, so even if it works for everyone else, recognize when it is just not working for you
5. Persistence and Motivation Work Together
You may think that working towards a certain career is what you should do, but is it what you want to do? If it’s not, then you are going to lack motivation, and you will have a hard time being persistent!
Motivation comes from a longing to have or achieve something. It gives you the energy you need to move forward and helps you stay committed in times of disappointment. In short, if you are not motivated, you will not be persistent, or you will have a VERY hard time being persistent, which will eventually wear you out.
To find motivation, you need to do a few things.
Work on the things you resonate with. Don’t go after something because you feel like you should go after it. Instead, do what resonates with you as exciting, rewarding, and fulfilling.
Figure out what motivates you. It might be giving your family a better life or being around for a longer time. There are reasons that you want to achieve more success, improve your health, and be happier, and those specific reasons are going to remind you why you need to be persistent when you don’t feel like going on.
Share your intentions. When you tell a bunch of people what you intend to do, it’s less likely you will want to give up. Being accountable to others boosts your motivation simply because you don’t want to let them down or be viewed as a failure.
Make short-term goals. It’s hard to maintain motivation for years. But, if you make short-term goals, such as weekly goals or even daily goals that help you reach your long-term goals, then you will feel like you are having much more success and stay motivated to be persistent in your actions.
Keep in mind that balance is key to everything we do in life.
Although it may be hard to believe when we are in the midst of struggle, our deepest pain is the catalyst for our transformation. Yet, healing and growth are not possible if the door is still open to those people and experiences that chip away at your peace.
Are you still allowing people and things that hurt you into your life? Truthfully, we cannot rebuke a devil that we continually grant access to our lives. You know that you don’t want to live in drama, for example, yet pick up the phone when that friend calls. He promised he would never put you down again, yet you’ve turned the other cheek so much your head is spinning.Protection of ourselves, and our core, is critical.
Psychologists have found that slipping into patterns of self-sabotage happens all too easily. In fact, whether it’s sticking to a health plan, quitting smoking, or removing ourselves from a toxic relationship, 80-90% of us will slide back to what feels familiar.
Yet, researchers have found that we can use what they call “if-then plans” to change our unhealthy emotional patterns. Simply by thinking, or even writing down, “If (stressor/obstacle) arises, then I will (respond in this way)” gives us a concrete way out. Reframing these stressors will allow us to cut toxic people and situations out of our lives for good.
It’s been said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Closing the door to what hurts you stops this cycle. Finding the strength to cut people out of our lives does not mean we hate them, but rather that we are striving to build up our respect for ourselves . We will no longer stand in the way of our own healing and growth.
The roadblocks and stop signs are up–this road is finally closed.
Every day as I pursue different objectives, I realize more and more that technical competence is not enough. Whatever goals you and I set, we are going to need PEOPLE–at every level of the economic spectrum–to bring them to fruition. Perfecting your people skills by becoming what I call “trans-social” is the unwritten rule that will catapult you into the next level in every occupation or endeavor.
I remember being told point blank by a certain Fortune 500 executive that I had been advanced over another more experienced employee simply because he was “not as sophisticated”. It sounds unfair, but the reality is that such perceptions are advancing or thwarting personal dreams in companies, churches, and common relationships every day.
You may have pooh-poohed social etiquette and professional decorum in the past, but trust me, as the world becomes more competitive, you are going to need this underrated advantage. I’ve written a crash-course book on becoming socially confident entitled Socially Confident in 60 Seconds: Practical Tips for Navigating Any Situation. It is not an exhaustive treatment of the subject of etiquette but rather a discussion of the essentials that you must master if you want to go to the next level of your occupation–or to succeed at a new occupation or endeavor.
Here are a few essentials that I cover in the book: Do you know the guidelines for making personal introductions? Whose name do you say first when you introduce your boss, pastor, mother, or other? When do you offer your business card at networking events? What do you do with your napkin if you have to leave the table during a meal? What do you say when someone asks you how much money you make?
Listen, friend, this book is hot and you need it. You will be smart to order it and read a generous number of value-added excerpts at: http://amzn.to/1U69cSg . Be sure to share this link with someone you want to help expand their borders. Now, for a sneak peak at the book… We all know that people judge your intellect most often by how you speak.
Too often, our stressors take their toll on us and we’re flooded by waves of sadness or anxiety. It’s normal to experience these rough patches. We work, take care of our families and meet the demands placed on our time.
What is missing from our lives is often our own voice–our connection with the creative in us. Artist Pablo Picasso once said, “Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grow up.”
When the pace of life has us feeling blue, an active cure is called for; it exists in authentic self expression.
Connecting to the creative within, in order to be seen and heard, instantly lifts our spirits. Researchers at UC Berkeley found that meaningful self expression leads to greater feelings of power and control over one’s life.
Too often we go through lives fulfilling all of our obligations, working ourselves to the bone, but forget to reconnect with our spirit–our essence. How often have you found yourself, at the end of the work day, feeling depleted, stressed or overwhelmed?
Forego resting on the couch and express yourself in a meaningful way! What does your soul want to say? You don’t have to go out and sing for all the world to hear, but if singing uplifts you, make room for it. Sing, paint, create, compose, write, connect–your insight matters. Your voice needs expression!
Set down your burdens and anxieties; express yourself. Your spirit will thank you!
In most personal situations, we can try to avoid the impact toxic people have on us by limiting our interaction with them. But how do we do that in an environment where we don’t pick and choose those who surround us?
At some point in our careers, many of us have had to work with a “toxic worker.” This person is a colleague or boss whose harsh personality or devious behaviors make the workday miserable. These behaviors often shift the morale in other employees, create conflict in the work place and can potentially hurt the company’s reputation.
Research shows that up to 80 percent of all difficulties within organizations stem from poor or strained employee relationships. This means that it is more helpful for the overall success of the company to avoid such employees. Difficult work environments can cause anxiety, depression, and in some cases, physical illness.
In most cases, it is very easy to identify the common types of toxic persons in your workplace.
Here are three classic types and ways to deal with their behaviors:
1. The Escalator
There are some co-workers who escalate every issue to a level 10, instead of fixing problems and finding reasonable or logical solutions with the person directly involved. This makes it hard to build relationships where colleagues trust one another, and in the long run, wastes time (as well as money). This toxic worker feels the need to alarm supervisors with trivial issues that could either be avoided or solved among peers. These types of employees waste time, and lack problem solving techniques.
The best way to handle these colleagues is by addressing the issue with them directly and offering solutions in tackling the issue. Ask them to approach you directly so you can discuss and work towards a common solution, and if one cannot be found, then you can both alert your managers to find the best way to fix the problem.
2. The Complainer
Constant complaining can make a work environment toxic. This particular co-worker is always quick to point out the worst-case scenario, and thus changing the mood of others with their negativity.
If you encounter this colleague, either change the direction of the conversation to highlight positive aspects of the situation or project. You can also redirect them to come up with solutions to the issues they are speaking about. If neither of those tips work, it’s probably best to avoid conversation altogether. You may not be able to shift their perspective, but you can limit your exposure to their negativity.
3. The Time Consumer
This person has a lack of respect for schedules and a person’s need to concentrate on his/her work. They often show up at your desk and engage you in long conversations, ask numerous questions, or email/phone persistently, with little regard to realistic time frames. If you encounter this colleague, it’s best to let them know you are working on a tight deadline, and either give them a specific time to return or ask them to schedule a meeting for further discussion.
The most important way to deal with toxic co-workers is to set boundaries with yourself so that you do not allow them to waste your time or cause you to under perform your own job. If at all possible, limit your exposure to them, avoid office gossip, and stay focused on why you are both there: to work.
Don’t surround yourself with people who won’t challenge to be better than you are.
We all know that it’s important to slow down sometimes for the good of our health, but the benefits of taking it easy can actually increase productivity as well.
Limiting action and allocating more time for restfulness doesn’t have to mean trading in productivity. There are a few cases were slowing down will still get the most out of our time.
1. Schedule everything; especially time for yourself.
The first rule of time management is effective scheduling and a small way to do that is by making lists.
Writing things down is a powerful tool because putting goals into words makes them more likely to be achieved.
Writing things down helps to unjumble the many priorities and responsibilities that require your attention. Making a to do list, for example, cuts out time that would have been spent trying to organize and reorganize priorities.
Research by Human Behavioral Specialist Dr. John Demetri has shown that making lists to break down large projects into smaller tasks also cuts down on procrastination which will help use time more efficiently.
Scheduling time specifically to do nothing is also a smart tool in ensuring you can do more by doing less. When your schedule is planned well, you’ll free up time that was once wasted.
2. Take purposeful actions.
Just as it’s essential to communicate with purpose ,
actions must also be purposeful in order to be useful.
“Busy idleness,” action that takes time and resources but accomplishes little to no results, is a common trap that you may fall into if you don’t take on and complete activities that are meaningful to your goals.
A published 10 year study of managers in the workplace found that only about 10% work purposefully to complete important tasks while the other 90% self-sabotage by focusing on unrelated matters, procrastinating, and allowing themselves to become disinterested in their work.
Don’t get caught up in busy work when your time is best spent solving the big issues. Cutting out busy idleness will leave you with completed goals AND time to spare.
3. Cut the multitasking
Multitasking can be a helpful practice when done well and applied to the proper situations but when it’s misused, it’s an even bigger time waster than not utilizing it at all.
Research by Ohio State University studied the effectiveness of multitasking and found that the practice gives users positive emotional feeling of increased productivity, but actual results underperform their expectations. It’s also less effective when applied to the wrong situation.
Activities that involve higher levels of concentration should not be multitasked. When focusing on such tasks, hold off on multitasking by giving them your full attention and you will see much better results.
Just as letting go is needed to move on, slowing down can help us to catch up. When we allow practices to be simplified, the results produced far exceed the energy and time that was put in and it doesn’t get more efficient than that.
Working hard is more beneficial than working smart.